#I CAN DO THE PARTIAL REST THING BUT THAT ALSO FEELS LIKE I'M WASTING A REST BECAUSE I'M NOT LIKE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bladekindeyewear · 11 months ago

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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2024-08-15 continued

(Previous post - current page 610)

Rested up some and back into this now! Rosebot is sounding quite a bit like the Horrorterror-advised Aradia Megido back in Act 5.1 isn't she. Let's get this ball rolling and actually see what sorts of civlization(s) they've brought about. Are we going to meet actual new characters from these races, or will they be played off as unimportant, or given semi-important roles whose actions still emphasize their theoretical hero titles like the carapaces (WV, PM, etc)?

==>

Whoaaa, look at this lanky motherfucker. I don't see hooves, so this has got to be one of Rose's... tentacle hair is more likely than dreadlocks, I'm guessing, but why do those feet look like elf shoes?

DIRK: Do you feel the part? ROSEBOT: It doesn't really matter what I feel. ROSEBOT: We have a job to do, and I'm trying to enjoy myself to the best of my ability while we do it. DIRK: Trying, huh. ROSEBOT: Speaking frankly, I've grown tired of... Rose gestures about the lab, the vats of our ectobiological triumphs and failures, blasé and almost weary in a way I haven't seen from her in a while. It calls to mind the exhaustion she felt before ascending, what must feel like a lifetime for her ago, and rings faintly of mortality in a way that concerns me.

There has to be some part of Rose that knows that what they're doing -- all of this, the abuse of power, doing whatever they want even if it leads to closing the great loop of Paradox Space -- isn't going to end well for her. I think part of her has known things couldn't end well for her as soon as she left Kanaya, so she's just... having what "fun" she can with the time she has left, and the only thing that's kept her diving deep into her work with glee instead of stopping is the REPEATED narrative interventions by Dirk to keep her brainwashed into moving forward without succumbing to her moral doubts. But it can all only continue so long until the weight of her sins is crawling on her back, and that comes with the sense a good Seer of Light would have that she's not going to get away with what she's done lightly, even if she believes she's too far along and too far gone to stop it, too close to their goal.

ROSEBOT: This. ROSEBOT: Fussing over all the tedious minutiae of getting the baby's room ready. ROSEBOT: The prospect of this Contest was entertaining to me for a time, but the longer it drags on, the closer we draw to the due date, the more it... repulses me. ROSEBOT: I'm glad you've agreed that we're basically done tinkering here. I don't think I have much more patience for it. DIRK: I can tell.

Dirk had to smooth over and make her dismiss how repulsed she was at the awful actions they'd proposed to do, OVER AND OVER AND OVER early on until she was practically sadistically gleeful in creating fucked-up monsters, but... now, he really doesn't have to do that much anymore. Rose feels she CHOSE all that she's already done, and the weight of that sin is sufficient that she can't stop anymore because if they DON'T FINISH DOING THIS, then all the immorality of what she's already done would be wasted, would all just be meaningless CRUELTY instead of the meaning that would even partially justify it in the end.

As appropriate when they're basically creating the concept of Sburb from the ground up, and the incredibly harsh cost of an entire civilization that comes with the opportunity to birth new universes from their ashes.

ROSEBOT: I'm also glad you've elected to hear Terezi out vis-a-vis the timeskip and save us the hassle of guiding the Deltritans manually. ROSEBOT: I know it must be hard for you. It'll actually be incredibly easy for me. Just time traveling forward is a no-go; at the frantic rate our pursuers are hurtling towards us, they'd catch up to Deltritus far before it had a chance to birth any sort of civilization at all, and that'd be a mess, especially with us only due to pop in millennia after the fact. We'd probably return to a planet totally unfit for Game candidacy.

I was wondering about that-- if they let their pursuers arrive early into the civilization's existence, the pursuers would have a chance to interfere with those civilizations' development before the game even starts. Heck, as long as Dave Strider is with them and willing, there's a risk they could interfere with the civilization's development even if they somehow wound forward the entire PLANET, which it sounds like he's implying they need to do somehow... what's the solution to make it inevitable in a way so that everything's "already happened" by the time the pursuers arrive and they can't interfere with the session's start?

Localized time travel, while technically possible, tends to get pretty fucked even in the most ideal of circumstances, to say nothing of the fact that it's way outside my wheelhouse as a Heart player. The concept works pretty well for my purposes, though, and as a burgeoning omnipotent narrative god, I can mimic it in a way that's functionally identical. The move here is that I'm going to envelop the local galaxy group in a pocket of my influence and narratively accelerate it via Bullshit so that whatever's going on in here goes on faster, so we can get to the good shit faster, so we can get on with our jobs, and so you gawking voyeurs have more of our lives to guzzle greedily down.

Christ, that's some Lord English sounding levels of temporal control over part of the universe, there! His narrative powers are fucking bonkers.

Why the galaxy group? Why not just the solar system, or even just the planet? My answer to that question is twofold. Firstly, I want the Deltritan societies to have a convincing view of their place in the cosmos, at least locally. What kind of civilization worth its soul-searching salt doesn't look to the night sky with wonder and curiosity in their hearts? It wouldn't do for them to exist in a world where the sun never sank below the horizon, or where the stars didn't dance tellingly across the sky, revealing the kind of hard-hitting secrets only astronomy can. Secondly, I'm showing off. I've been really coming into my own, powers-wise, and it's not just my Heart abilities that have shot up a few exponentially longer echeladders.

He's acting like Andrew Hussie or an equivalent author in the ability to make up an action needed and justify it via whatever excuse needed, like some strange Meteor machinery or the like for creating First Guardians or warping items between post-and-pre-Scratch timelines, or the like. Author powers can be truly terrifying; and author powers also explain how he can ensure that because the entire civilization existed within his narrative influence before the pursuers got there, he can narratively assure that no Dave-based time travel backward interfered, I'm betting.

He still would want his pursuers to arrive in time FOR the session that had already started, because I'm sure that session will in part be the battleground he uses to confront AL (alt!Calliope) and the others and deliver them the defeat his ego demands they face.

ROSEBOT: Dirk? Of course, Rose isn't talking about the mechanics of the timeskip. She's talking about the reasoning behind it, and the lack of precise control over Deltritus' development that will result as a consequence of it. I just figured I'd take the time to address the "how" factor to you all before the fucking pedants among you started making a fuss, acting like I haven't thought all this shit out. Yeah, you. You know who you are. Also, I'm stalling. Uncharacteristic of me, I know. ROSEBOT: Dirk. DIRK: Sorry. DIRK: Got caught up with something.

So Dirk either HAS successfully kept fooling Rose that he doesn't have narrative powers, or Rose is successfully bluffing that she hasn't at LEAST figured out that he's doing some sort of narration or has some influence without knowing the full extent of how it may have affected her... unless part of her STILL deems the final result more important even if she has an inkling that she may have been manipulated.

Why is he stalling, though?

ROSEBOT: Far be it from me to stand between you and your enigmatic somethings. DIRK: You're welcome to stand wherever you like. DIRK: Anyway, no, it isn't that hard for me. DIRK: It'd be fun, but as I keep having to explain to people, I'm willing to compromise on certain points. DIRK: Though I will say it's unfortunate to hear you making them, instead of our complainer on retainer. ROSEBOT: What can I say? ROSEBOT: I don't feel particularly inclined to play house right now. DIRK: Not even with me, huh? ROSEBOT: Not even with you.

You can only keep someone brainwashed into tolerating your company completely for so long when you're so obviously a piece of shit. And as Rose's Seer of Light senses bring her closer to understanding the personal consequences to HER of her actions, potentially -- the ones that were far off in the future when she made her "decision" to help with this operation -- the less she's going to be thrilled about owning it all. And she has VERY complicated Mom-related feelings about playing Mother most likely, even to an entire race. She would rather dodge the responsibility than fuck it up, just like she did with Yiffy. That's part of her existing trauma, most likely.

Also "play house" is a good intentional pun on playing Sburb.

==>

Cool-ass panels of them walking up out of the cave, followed by this gorgeous sunset shot where Rose looks absolutely melancholy:

For a while, neither of us says anything at all. Then, still silent, Rose turns and leaves the lab, a billowing stream of orange. I follow after her, at a respectable distance, and together we leave the mouth of the cave, making our way up the steps carved into the cliffside it now burrows into until finally cresting the plateau, and wordlessly taking a seat together at the edge of the cliff to look out over one of Deltritus' vast and alien oceans. "Wait, what's with the ocean?" you might ask. A while back, it became apparent that while my Deltritan offspring were to be terrestrial, Rose's were going to be aquatic.

That's actually an excellent way to keep the civilizations relatively separate and avoid their intermixing their cultures too much before The Game begins. Also, the Ocean and deep water's unfathomability is deeply tied with the Void, so if this race ends up being the ancestor race of the Horrorterrors, it makes sense that their monstrous progeny could live in the unlimited black strangeness between universes.

Back when I figured we'd have a more active role in their development, it felt appropriate to me that our base of operations should straddle land and sea, existing impartially at the precipice between the two competing worlds.

Yep, as I just said/thought-- keeps the civilizations separate.

I elected to transport (via Bullshit, of course) our humble grotto and the wreck of the Theseus to these cliffs overlooking the sea, that we might watch over our children from a locale more suitably dramatic and liminal than some fucking plain in the middle of nowhere.

The Bullshit he's referring to, the author's ability to handwave, simply means exploiting the fact that things could plausibly have happened offscreen in order to not have to write out the detailed mechanics of (say) the machine that they alchemized/built and used to transportalize their base smoothly to a new location, and can be used to employ all sorts of tactics offscreen... including, potentially dangerously, retroactively set-up countermeasures for whatever someone is about to do to you by simply narratively declaring that you prepared something for it beforehand, sort of like Joseph Joestar in Jojo Part 2. To Rose Lalonde, it'd theoretically be seamless, where she'd have the mechanical justifications that were created offscreen even if Dirk didn't even have to "write" the specifics.

Now, however, the effort (insofar as it was one, which it wasn't) seems to have been mostly in vain. No seagulls cry here, anyway. Rose and I made a lot of other filler-fauna to help our species integrate into the local biosphere while working through our respective game-plans, but I never got around to replicating or approximating seagulls. I guess I'm not gonna bother. It doesn't particularly feel like much of a home, anymore. As we sit side by side, watching the horizon, Rose is even harder to read than usual. I begin to feel the twinge of a vexation that I've been all too aware of over untold trillions of iterations of myself, a dread that's reared its head again recently. The fear that my plan isn't understood, my efforts aren't appreciated. That I'm alone, again.

You were always alone-- you FORCED Rose to understand and fully empathize with your plan, even if parts of her Ultimate Self were callous enough to have that dark capacity within her. And part of you knows that but wants to deny it so you DON'T feel like you're alone again.

I worry that she's slipping away. Growing disinterested in our time together. And I'm not willing to lose her, so as much as it feels like admitting a kind of defeat, I prepare to make her- ROSE: Thank you for taking me with you, Dirk. ...... DIRK: Yeah?

Whoa, holy shit.

So Rose feels like even the sinful meaningful acts she's doing here are worth it, now? But is still depressed? Possibly because she's been led to believe THERE WAS NEVER A PLACE for her back home, or that she'd have led things to ruin there instead of committing their crimes of creation/destruction way out here?

And again, it's showing us that-- whether due to Rose's genuinely built-up feelings, or if she's guessed the truth and is successfully bluffing about not knowing about the narrative abilities-- Dirk doesn't need to brainwash Rosebot anymore to keep her on board with the plan, unfortunately. She's too invested, committed too much of a Great Evil to not want to ensure the results that would make that evil even partially worthwhile. :C

==>

I hate that he "won" like this-- we ALL hate that he "won" like this. Even if it eventually turns out Rose is bluffing or figured it out. But Rose has to get her companionship somewhere, and as the abusive uncle-like figure that he is, he's made himself the only possible source of validation, the only company that could possibly "understand" her anymore. She has no one else left to cling to. :CCC

ROSE: I may be less than enchanted with this stage of the work, but I know it's important. ROSE: It's just straying dangerously close to a lot of things I'm trying not to fixate on right now. ROSE: Wounds that are still fresh, for me as a sum and for the myriad legions of my parts. ROSE: Home. ROSE: Family. ROSE: Petty, little things. ROSE: Personal things. DIRK: Those are important, too. ROSE: Not as important as this is.

Yup, as I guessed earlier, the fact that she's necessarily playing the absent mother figure feels like committing her Mom's sin and her inability to raise Roxy as Alpha Rose all at the same time. Those versions of her are all part of her now, and this is tapping into parts of all those traumas.

ROSE: For all my temporary discomfort with the prospect of settling down on Deltritus and starting what could very loosely be considered a family with you, I want you to know that my heart is in what we're working towards- DIRK: Technically, you don't have a heart. ROSE: Shut up. ROSE: - and that I'm happy to be here with you. ROSE: Not drifting around in a constrictive, small pond, getting caught up in trivialities like politics and celebrity and romance, ROSE: But saving the fucking universe. DIRK: ...

Technically, this all might be "necessary" to save Paradox Space or create it in the first place, rather; but it didn't have to be done this way, done by THEM, and Dirk Strider is the one who demanded arrogantly that HE wished to be responsible for it all, for writing it onscreen, for the trauma it'd cause to be the one who did it and his ambition to be the writer of all Paradox Space as a result, instead of an unknown civilization of frogs offscreen or something as it may have otherwise been. But Rose as an overembracing Ultimate Light Player here ultimately craves importance, and finds it more comfortable than the terrible fears of messing up relationships or even just being looked at as a goddess by Earth C's population, somewhat like Candy Jade expressed she felt earlier. Being a "Hero" and doing something "Important" (Light) is the only way her terrible self-esteem and negative judgment of herself, especially the negative self-judgment Dirk forced her to embrace by brainwashing her down this path, can consider her EXISTENCE worth anything at all. :CCCC

(Also, the Ultimate Rosebot "not having a Heart" is only true in the technical pun sense, since her soul as an Ultimate Self is present at full power within the robot and not fully digitized, with only a tenuous link to her body on life support, so she doesn't necessarily suffer the Auto Responder's disconnectedness with Dirk's broader "Heart"/Soul that allowed it to be malleably transformed into Lil Hal, Arquiusprite, and then Doc Scratch. Meaning that whatever happens to Rosebot, for now, Rosebot is still essentially Rose Lalonde. But if the connection between her main body on life support were ever broken, and Rosebot were LEFT with only the malleable AI algorithms designed to SIMULATE Rose, then... she WOULD be without a Heart, without a specific soul locking her unique personality down, and then would be vulnerable to being molded into something else like the Cueballs or Skaia or the like, possibly...)

Relief pulses through me in an immense wave. Relief and unfathomable, indescribable pride. It's almost paralyzing; I just sit here for a while, grateful for my shades and their ability to protect me from making eye contact with my daughter, who is in this moment as brilliant as the aspect that adorns her hood. I should tell her. DIRK: Well. DIRK: You're welcome. She scoffs at my barebones response, and I'm forced to marvel at her ability to communicate so weightily, conveying such a minutely specific blend of emotion as understanding, affection, acknowledgement, encouragement, admonishment, and so many more, all with the hardware of a literal machine. She's an incredible person.

Dirk DOES care about Rose, quite a lot, but that only makes his abuse of her even MORE fucked up. That's often the case with abusive relationships, especially parental ones.

To my credit, I am also an incredible engineer.

And he takes credit for the molding he's forcibly DONE to her to bring her to this point, to bring out these awful sides of her Ultimate Self willing to actually do this with him, the utter fucking asshole. >:( Which is again, characteristic of an abusive paternal relationship.

At any rate, Rose might be beating my ass on the emotive front, but I'm still capable of articulating myself well enough, and I'd better start soon or I'm going to begin to look like a real fucking dork. DIRK: I don't think there's anyone I'd rather be doing this with than you.

Thanks for at least opening up your feelings a BIT to respond to hers properly, at least, you asshole prick who still deserves to die.

DIRK: The rest of them just don't have it in them right now to understand what it is we're fighting for, here. DIRK: They can't grasp the stakes. DIRK: Even now, they're on their way here, actively trying to stop us from saving them all. DIRK: They'll probably catch us right before our entrance into the Game, actually.

Technically, AL and Dirk share almost the EXACT SAME GOAL here, a desire to close the loop of all Creation in a way that makes sense as a story. The main place they disagree is who should be in charge of it all... AL clearly believes that Dirk SHOULDN'T be in charge and it should be left to propagate on its own once set up, needs to deny him his ambition of becoming the tyrannical forever-author of almost all Paradox Space. But AL has a hard time letting go of control, and as much as she believes Dirk must be stopped, her actions tell the story of someone who may be just as willing to become the Forever Author of Paradox Space HERSELF too.

DIRK: I won't insult you by asking if you're going to be okay when the time comes to face them, demanding answers they won't accept to questions they aren't even asking, because I know that you will. DIRK: So I'm glad to have you with me. DIRK: I'm glad you understand.

Yeah, we always knew this was going to be the play. No appeal or objection their pursuers make isn't going to be met with a "this is more important than you understand" from Rosebot and direct opposition that stops and traps and stalls them (though short of killing them), and any appeals that Dirk has just been "brainwashing" her are going to ring hollow to her ears after all she's truly, herself, invested in this course of action even outside the brainwashing.

This isn't going to be easy to fix.

==>

DIRK: I'm doing this for all of us. I'm doing this for all of us.

The same false justification his iterations like Bro have used to abuse people all of his myriad lives. He cares much more about him (and his) being the one to have DONE it than the fact that it gets done.

Wait, what's this next link? Candy? Who's Big Kahuna-- oh right, Meenah (or one of her codenames she mentioned last time for one of the others)?

(Big Kahuna: Check the door.)

Ah, Karkat's home!

(BIGGEST KAHUNA: Return to base.)

KARKAT: KEPT YOU WAITING, HUH?

Why'd they have to make Solid Karkat here look as sexy as fucking possible in adult form. Oh who are we kidding, of course they fucking had to, and we love it. :D

(Rebellion Commanders: Confer.)

MEENAH: took you long enough bossman

KARKAT: I THOUGHT I ASKED YOU TO STOP CALLING ME THAT WHEN WE'RE ALONE. MEENAH: big bossman KARKAT: NOT BETTER. MEENAH: sweetie-pirate KARKAT: BOSSMAN IT IS. MEENAH: you got it bitch KARKAT: I CAN WORK WITH BITCH.

Hahahahah! These two have a great dynamic. (They're a couple in this timeline right, instead of him and Dave?)

KARKAT: ANYWAY, THINGS ARE RAMPING UP OUT THERE. KARKAT: ARE YOU JUST ABOUT WRAPPED UP? MEENAH: yep MEENAH: its a good thing youre back i just got off a real shipshow of a call with mrs fencesitter and agent short shorts a lil while ago MEENAH: looks like serious shit is about to pop off KARKAT: YEAH, I WAS LISTENING IN.

Fun conversations here, also calling out Roxy for only halfheartedly aiding the rebellion so as not to do much damage to Jane, which Jane in her current state couldn't possibly appreciate as still being any less than betrayal and which likely put even more of a wedge between Roxy and Meenah.

KARKAT: ALSO I'VE ALREADY HAD KIND OF A GAUNTLET OF A FUCKING DAY ALREADY AND I DIDN'T NEED THE PAN-ACHE. KARKAT: I KNEW YOU HAD IT UNDER CONTROL. MEENAH: youre lucky youre breamy as hell when youre out there doin tacticalypso or id have mutinied and kraken over this whole operation for myshellf

Breamy = "Dreamy", right, they're together romantically like I remembered.

(==>)

KARKAT: CONSIDERING NONE OF THE MAJOR PLAYERS HERE HAVE ANY SENSE OF TACT OR SUBTLETY WE'RE GONNA NEED TO MOVE OUT PRONTO. KARKAT: HOPE YOU'RE FIELD-READY, BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA NEED TO B- MEENAH: oh fuck yes MEENAH: dude let me say it KARKAT: YEAH, GO AHEAD.

Let's make this shi(p) happen?

(==>)

MEENAH: bring in the mothafuckin LOBsT-ERs

Excuse me??

(Also, having random war flashbacks of Sniper Lobsters in Elden Ring.)

(LOBsTERs: Assemble.)

*Sigh*

(An hour later...)

Okay THAT shot's pretty cool.

Karkat doing tons of tactical talking and shit...

MEENAH: KARKAT KARKAT: WHAT. MEENAH: krillax KARKAT: NOT REALLY AN IDEAL TIME FOR THAT, ON ACCOUNT OF THE FACT THAT WE'RE PROBABLY HOURS AWAY FROM THE MOST CRITICAL ARMED ENGAGEMENT THE REBELLION IS LIKELY TO SEE. MEENAH: it hasnt been an ideel time for like 6 sweeps MEENAH: you need to take a breatht-stroke KARKAT: ... HAHAHA, WHAT? MEENAH: you know what i mean MEENAH: youve been runnin yourshellf into the fuckin dirt for ages MEENAH: take a you moment KARKAT: MEENAH, THIS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME TO TAKE A ME MOMENT. MEENAH: actually in like a day or so were either gonna be tridentumphant and busy as fuck or dead in the water so its like the best possible time all fins considered MEENAH: youve been out on field ops for like a week

Yeah, as a Knight of Blood, Karkat is EXTREMELY unhealthy about not using almost all of his time too diligently on his responsibilities.

MEENAH: maybe i wanna chat with my buoy toy for a lil bit KARKAT: YEAH, ALRIGHT. KARKAT: I DUNNO, FUCK. UH... HOW ARE YOU DOING? MEENAH: how are *you* doin KARKAT: PRETTY FUCKING STRESSED!

Pfffffff

KARKAT: ALSO THIS COVERT-OPS SUIT IS TIGHT AS ALL FUCK. MEENAH: well if its any consolation that may be rough for you but its a pretty great time to be your rear admire-all 38) KARKAT: MUCH OBLIGED. KARKAT: ... KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, MEENAH, I APPRECIATE IT. KARKAT: IT'S BEEN KIND OF A ROUGH... KARKAT: DECADE AND A HALF? KARKAT: BUT THROUGH ALL THE SLOG AND THE SHITTY TIMES AND THE UNCERTAINTY YOU'VE REMAINED REMARKABLY COMMITTED TO THIS. KARKAT: HELPED ME TURN THIS ABSTRACT, FRUSTRATED DREAM INTO A FUNCTIONING FUCKING REALITY. KARKAT: YOU NEVER WAVERED. KARKAT: YOU NEVER FLAKED. KARKAT: YOU STUCK BY ME.

Yeah. Dedication means a whole fucking lot to Karkat, both as a person and as a Blood player. And the fact that Meenah, who flaked out in some ways just to BE here instead of with her (Vriska) girlfrond in the dream bubbles, did a pretty good job of NOT flaking it seems like, especially since this sort of Rebellion effort is exactly her jam. The main risk she might start flaking is if shit ever starts to get peaceful again.

(==>)

She continues to look VERY good. :#|

MEENAH: not like dave huh KARKAT: WOW, STRAIGHT TO THE POINT.

Ah damn, yeah.

MEENAH: i mean hey i figured youd wanna glub about it MEENAH: conchsiderin KARKAT: SO YOU HEARD THE NEWS? MEENAH: yeah i mighta been listenin in on your converseation myshellf MEENAH: along with like half the comms team MEENAH: you left your mic on KARKAT: UN KARKAT: FUCKING KARKAT: BELIEVABLE. MEENAH: its all good MEENAH: actually pretty much everyone ate it up there was like gasps and cheers and occasional applause and shit MEENAH: not shore if youre aware of this but it turns out people fuckin love you KARKAT: WELL COLOR ME GLAD MY OPERATIVES FOUND IT INSPIRING THAT I TOOK CRITICAL TIME OUT OF MY MISSION TO PREVENT THE ENTIRE PLANET FROM BACKSLIDING INTO STAGNANT CONFECTIONARY FASCISM TO YELL AT A HAPLESS DIVORCEE.

Everyone's always cheered for you, my self-depricating dude. You're a rock star.

KARKAT: ANYWAY. KARKAT: YES. KARKAT: NOT LIKE DAVE. MEENAH: how you feelin about that KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW. KARKAT: I THINK MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, JUST FUCKING... KARKAT: DISAPPOINTED. KARKAT: EXHAUSTINGLY, FRUITLESSLY DISAPPOINTED. KARKAT: WE USED TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER TALKING ABOUT HOW TO FIX SHIT, YOU KNOW? KARKAT: SPITBALLING ALL THIS FRIVOLOUS AND/OR GRAVELY SERIOUS CONJECTURE ABOUT WHAT TO FUCKING *DO* WITH OURSELVES AND THE WORLD. KARKAT: AND THEN AS SOON AS IT STARTS REALLY MATTERING, AS SOON AS IT BECOMES CLEAR IT'S TIME TO DO *SOMETHING*, HE JUST WILTS. KARKAT: THEN HE SPENDS YEARS MILLING FECKLESSLY AROUND IN THAT DOMESTIC TORTURE LABYRINTH OF A RELATIONSHIP KARKAT: *MARRIES INTO IT*

Lots to gripe about there, yeah.

KARKAT: AND SUBSEQUENTLY DECIDES THAT NOW'S THE BEST TIME TO PLAY SPIES, PRESUMABLY SO HE CAN CONTINUE TO AVOID HAVING MISERABLE MATRIMONIAL PROCREATIVE SEX. KARKAT: ONLY FOR JADE TO FOLLOW HIM INTO THE CAUSE!

What the fuck??? Not just him not being into sex with Jade, but-- PROCREATIVE sex with Jade? Wouldn't that be impossible for him and her with her dog-ascension-replaced equipment downstairs-- unless we're talking about conceiving with surrogates, which Dave would DEFINITELY FIND any excuse to avoid doing himself, or unless he's trans-masculine, which is a damned popular headcanon for good reason?

KARKAT: WHICH, YOU KNOW, WAS OBJECTIVELY A PRETTY BIG BOON TO THE REBELLION. KARKAT: GOOD FOR MORALE, AND OBVIOUSLY THEY WERE INCREDIBLE FIELD AGENTS. KARKAT: BUT FUCK WAS IT A SAVAGE PAIN IN THE CHUTE. KARKAT: DO YOU REMEMBER THE PERIOD EARLY ON WHERE I HAD TO ASSIGN ANOTHER CLERK TO MISSION CONTROL WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE WAS TO MANAGE THE TWO OF THEM SO THEY KEPT THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY UNTIL THEY FIGURED OUT HOW TO BE EVEN THE SCANTEST APPROXIMATION OF NORMAL AROUND ME? KARKAT: THE FACT THAT IT WAS NECESSARY AT ALL IS STILL FUCKING APPALLING.

Ugh, yeah, I was already pretty much imagining it would have sucked hard in exactly this manner back in those days.

KARKAT: AND THEN FINALLY, *FINALLY*, WE GET HIM SITUATED, HE'S ACTUALLY MANAGING TO CONTRIBUTE TO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WHO EVEN KNOWS HOW LONG.

KARKAT: AND HE JUST FUCKS OFF AND KARKAT: AND DIES. KARKAT: HE JUST CALLS IT THERE. KARKAT: SO KARKAT: DISAPPOINTED. KARKAT: DISAPPOINTED IS HOW I'M FEELING ABOUT THAT.

:'C

KARKAT: BUT- KARKAT: FUCKING- HOLD ON, I NEED TO TAKE THIS.

So what new developments are we discussing now?

(Karkat: Answer urgent comms.)

KARKAT: *WHAT*. SOLLUX: finally he picks up. SOLLUX: hey man. KARKAT: DON'T FUCKING "HEY MAN" ME.

BAHAAHAHAH! His old annoying-ass best bud! Who may or may not be contributing to the war effort with some sick hacking between video games.

SOLLUX: there's like a bazillion m0oks swarming ar0und my crib and none 0f the grubereats dudes are accepting orders right n0w. SOLLUX: probably 0n account 0f your inc0nvenient ass war. SOLLUX: could y0u pick me something up?

SOLLUX READ THE ROOM

KARKAT: MAYBE YOU'D GIVE MORE OF A FUCK ABOUT THE REPRODUCTIVE FUTURE OF OUR SPECIES IF ARADIA WAS EVER ACTUALLY THERE LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO GET SOME. MEENAH: ohhh snapper

Wait, so Aradia actually might possibly time travel back in her personal past over to the Black Hole trapped timeline to hang out with Sollux on rare occasions?! Is she capable of crossing back and forth when nobody else can? I highly doubt that-- but Davebot insisted she WAS still seeing someone... is it possible that she's asking to borrow alt!Calliope's powers whenever it strikes her on the rare occasion to go back for a date? No, it doesn't feel like AL would do her that favor... who the fuck is Aradia still dating? A DIFFERENT Sollux? Someone else??? Or does she have a free travel ticket that breaks the rules so hard that the whole Plot Point thing shouldn't even be necessary to break through!?

KARKAT: BETTER GET BACK TO IT, THEN, DON'T LET ME KEEP YOU. KARKAT: I'LL JUST BE OUT HERE FREEDOM FIGHTING AND DEPLETING JANE'S GROUND FORCES SO SHE WON'T HAVE ENOUGH MANPOWER TO STORM THE METEOR AND PUT A SPOON THROUGH YOUR SPINE, OH AND ALSO FERRYING YOU YOUR FUCKING FAST FOOD, I GUESS! KARKAT: GOOD LUCK! KARKAT: HOPE YOU GET A HIGH SCORE! SOLLUX: yeah im kinda in the z0ne right now. KARKAT: AWESOME. SOLLUX: hey kk KARKAT: WHAT. SOLLUX: are we still friends? KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY, DIPSHIT! KARKAT: STAY SAFE, ALRIGHT? KARKAT: ... KARKAT: ... KARKAT: DUDE! SOLLUX: s0rry im still gaming. KARKAT: BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOLLUX: alrighty bro g0od talk.

D'awwww. Same as it ever was between them. :'D

(Rebellion Commanders: Finish up here.)

Oh, the top of the Meteor (memorial) is still buried above ground, to eventually eons in the future become Calliope and Caliborn's home (EDIT: or would have if this wasn't the Candy timeline, I forgot, but the Meat timeline has it as a similar memorial there most likely). Makes sense; it just extends deep ENOUGH underground for Roxy to have described the lab as such after going through the transportalizer.

KARKAT: YEAH, I'M DISAPPOINTED ABOUT HOW EVERYTHING WITH DAVE WENT DOWN. KARKAT: BUT TODAY NEEDS TO BE BIGGER THAN THAT. KARKAT: IT'S NOT PRODUCTIVE FOR ME TO SIT HERE AND WALLOW ABOUT WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN AND WHAT MORE I COULD HAVE DONE FOR ONE PERSON WHEN NOW, MORE THAN EVER, I NEED TO FOCUS ON WHAT COULD BE AND WHO'S WITH ME NOW. KARKAT: WHO I'M DOING ALL OF THIS FOR. KARKAT: WE'VE BUILT SOMETHING AMAZING TOGETHER, AND IF WE CAN HOLD ON JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER IT'LL HAVE BEEN INCALCULABLY WORTH EVERY OUNCE OF STRUGGLE.

Yeah, said like a true Blood player and great leader.

...Lol at the crew's reactions subsequently.

KARKAT: COMMANDERS HARLEY, MARYAM, AND LALONDE ARE INBOUND, AND NOT LONG AFTER THEY GET HERE THINGS ARE GOING TO GET BATSHIT STUPID! KARKAT: BUT THINGS HAVE BEEN BATSHIT STUPID FOR A LONG, LONG FUCKING TIME, KARKAT: SO LET'S DRAG THAT IMPERIOUS CORPORATE BITCH DOWN FROM HER AIRSHIP AND REINTRODUCE A LITTLE NORMALCY!

Almost time to try and stabilize this whole damn timeline yeah, which may indeed incidentally give them the avenue to win against a more grounded-in-reality Jane Crocker.

(==>)

Quite the intimidating lineup of enemy ships.

MEENAH: target fuckin acquired

(Jane: Educate these fools on the art of war.)

You are in no position to educate anybody, Mrs. Mistress Executive. Dehydrated, grieving, and coming off of a particularly nasty sugar high, Sun Tzu wouldn't even let you substitute at this rate. What would your curriculum even be? Furious Fudge Flinging 101? Because you are completely losing your shit right now.

Hahahahahhaha.

Luckily we have already seen the beginning of these histrionics here.

Yeah, when Jane was yelling for her poison-tasting water boy because her throat's dry and she's ballistic. Jane doesn't exactly have the ROLE as a Maid of Life nor the personal experience to be a master war tactician-- all she's good at is enforcing order and anxiety (due to her Bard of Doom synergy theoretically) and, as a Maid of Life, having tons and tons of power, money and influence to throw at the problem and hope to overwhelm it with sheer might alone. Not much tactical about it.

(==>)

Oh, we're back to the tail end of that conversation! Is Jake going to decide on something he can actually do to *help* stop her here? And of course we're getting further Brain Ghost Dirk perspective.

JAKE: Oh flip. JAKE: Sorry janey i was handling an urgent matter. JAKE: Had to pop down the little boys office to shred some important papers. JANE: What? JAKE: Im spending a penny at the local water closet. JANE: Jake. JAKE: Im in the bathroom. JANE: Oh.

Hahahahah. Classic Jake-anachronisms.

JANE: UGH! JANE: You are always in the bathroom these days!

Doing spy shit, yes.

JAKE: Well my job is to taste test all your water for poison, JAKE: dear. JAKE: Forgive my impertinence but perhaps if you trusted the troops more, we could avoid all of this folderol and i could be promoted to standing by your side? JAKE: Thatd help my besieged bladder, for sure. JANE: Not happening. JAKE: Oh! Of course! JAKE: Silly me.

Jane really never trusted Jake for anything important, even when she WANTED him for a relationship. It's like there was hardly ever a potential timeline where their relationship might actually go well, it seems, unless they both got some seriously miraculous psychotherapy.

JAKE: May i ask... why? JAKE: Not to make a tit of myself here. JAKE: But wouldnt an enemy spy be childs play to spot, seeing as our troops share such similar faces? JAKE: Pretty much the exact same face? JANE: I once thought it an asset too! JANE: How clever I saw myself... JANE: "Hoo hoo! We'll avoid instating a draft by cloning an army!" JANE: "Unprecedented genius!" JANE: "Brand consistency!"

Oh wow, they've been CLONING TROOPS. That makes some degree of sense as a sort of counter for her "concerns" about the rate of troll reproduction, too. Also, she's MAKING LIFE, which seems a good hero title pun.

JANE: Of course, I realize now that if any serviceman developed mutinous, deviant intentions, he could simply slink back into the safety of the crowd.

JANE: The perfect cover for a tiger amongst zebras. JAKE: Grrr... JAKE: Friggin double agents, man. DIRK: (Amazing. Can I get a cherry on top of that?) JAKE: Why i oughta... the very thought! DIRK: (Fuck yes. Marlon Brando in the motherfucking building.) JANE: Exactly. It's horrifying.

Lol.

JANE: Thankfully I have practiced instinct where assassination is concerned. JANE: An instinct that has only sharpened in the wake of... recent tragedies. JANE: I won't be lulled into any such false sense of security this time, that's for sure! JAKE: Is that why the old henhouse has been feeling a bit spacious recently? JANE: I may have a handful or so of men in the brig. JANE: For safekeeping. JANE: They have snacks! A water trough. JANE: All unpoisoned, might I add. JANE: Who gives a toot anyways, we'll be depositing them out onto the battlefield soon enough.

Jane Crocker HAS technically been dealing with assassination attempts since childhood, too.

JAKE: Speaking of the battle... JAKE: What was the pre-established plan, again? JAKE: Just trying to refresh my simple mind on the details. JAKE: Especially the ones that situate our son near The Point. JAKE: I take it we have protocols in place a tad more delicate than simply "bombs away!" JAKE: Right? JANE: Sigh. JANE: Jake, do you remember when I went to the moon?

OH FUCKING HELL YES THAT INSTAGRAM STUFF WAS (at least Candy) CANON SHE'S SENDING IN ROBOT JACK NOIR AND HIS FELT CREW YESSSSSSS I WAS HOPING THEY'D COME BACK!!! It's the only way to make this fight interesting!!

Looks like she's about to recap anyone who missed that instagram compilation of the assassination attempt that teleported her to the moon before it was about to be shot into a crescent shape by the Carapacians as a ridiculous act of godly devotion and then she captured and rounded up the whole New Midnight Crew in collars. Jack Noir is a fearsome and fun adversary to be up against, especially when the presumed Prince of Blood is running with a destructive crew.

(Jane: Start monologuing.)

That's right, I remember, Jack brought a bunch of them back to life to work for him using Die's doll or something. Seems she has enough of a handle of them to not use prison collars on them now.

JAKE: Uuuuuuuuuuuuh. JANE: No? It was a huge deal. JAKE: Was this around the time all those carapacians took a big chunk out of it? JANE: Yes! JANE: You see, prior to that expedition, I'd been cooking up a contingency plan, of sorts. JANE: I put some serious man-hours into it. JANE: If things were to go tines up, our last line of defense is a machine that will emit a guided beam to a location of my choosing.

MOON LASER!!!! I'm getting Dr. McNinja flashbacks (which I'm a fan of if you couldn't tell by the avatar, sorry the site is down.)

DIRK: (A laser?) JAKE: So were destroying The Point now? JANE: No! JANE: No, no, no, no. JANE: Definitely not. JANE: We are *capturing* The Point. JANE: But if we don't... JAKE: Ah. JAKE: Contingency plan. JANE: Contingency plan indeed.

Jane doesn't care what the Rebellion thinks about this being important to the safety/integrity of the entire timeline or whatever, or saving the universe. She wants to win. If she can't have it, nobody can.

JANE: A surgical, precise, and most importantly *unexpected* means of victory, with virtually no crossfire. JAKE: Does that seem... JAKE: Sound? JANE: You know, Jake, you've been giving me the 3rd degree all day. JAKE: Hm? JANE: You're typically content stumbling through life as a soft-headed bimbo, and it's only now of all times you start showing stark, pointed interest in happenings outside of yourself? JANE: I find that odd. JANE: Suspicious even. JAKE: Erm...

He's definitely become more active in trying to figure out how to stop things and gather information as the critical moment approaches, yeah. And Brain Ghost Dirk's resurgence (if he ever left) is likely pushing him too.

JANE: You're thinking, "She's a bad mother," aren't you? DIRK: (Here we go.) JANE: Don't you try to deny it.

Oh pfff, not suspicion but marital fucking discourse. Heheheh.

JANE: I see you, up there on your high horse. JANE: Interrogating me! JANE: As if you have the right! JANE: Just what did *you* do, besides whimper like a kicked dog, as they took our boy away!? JANE: "TAVVY!" JANE: You can fly, you idiot! JANE: You're such a harmless, dunderheaded fucking nonentity that those seditious connivers would have *let* you tail them! DIRK: (Ouch.) JANE: Everything he has, *I've* provided. JANE: Everything he is, *I've* nurtured!

Jake probably trusts "Tavvy" in their hands more than yours, but that's neither something you know nor can accept. And the thing about Jake is that yes, he's a doormat, but Pages in Homestuck often seem to need to be given a long time in flourishing, non-traumatic environments to bloom into anything resembling their true role and power, and Jane has never had the confidence in him to try to build him up instead of spitefully knocking him down.

JAKE: (Criminy, bro, she has a death laser.) JAKE: (Like goldfinger.) JANE: Remember how I willed him out of my body, 3 months premature, because I was so excited to see him? JAKE: (The rebellion isnt prepared for that.) JAKE: (What are they going to do?) DIRK: (Fuck if I know, refract it off Commander Vantas' massive tits?) JAKE: (Were going to lose.)

HOLY SHIT AT THE PART I BOLDED JANE IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NUTS, she could have stunted her child's growth just for that selfishness! "Arrested Development" indeed!

Jake looks like he might be gearing to do something actually heroic for once. Like, say... to fly HIMSELF up to the moon and destroy a fucking moon laser.

JANE: You might be a primo actor, English, with that perfect smile and that stupid, sexy fake accent. JANE: But you are not a caring individual. JANE: My Dad... JANE: He had so much love in him that you could feel it when he entered the room. JANE: Across all the iterations of yourself, do you think your children ever felt even a MODICUM of that?

FUCKING OUCH SHE'S GOING FOR THE JUGULAR

JANE: Jade? Terrifying, JANE: I hate even thinking about it. JANE: And I don't doubt for a second that there were more. JANE: How do you imagine they turned out?

That's right, I've only played part 1 but Hiveswap indicates there were other children, with him even using Roxy as babysitter for his frequent absences. The Page of Hope, er... with Hope's phallic and white-blast reproductive symbolic connotations, er... might spread his seed a little wide.

JAKE: (I finally grew the gumption to get off the back foot, and were all going to meet the reaper regardless.) JANE: Let's face it. I held you accountable. JANE: Without me, you'd have left Tavros behind in a peanut factory. JANE: Asphyxiating on the floor, crying "Daddy, where are you! Daddy!" DIRK: (Dude.) JAKE: (JOLLY JESUS FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!) JANE: What the fresh hell are you mumbling to yourself? JANE: Y- JAKE: WILL YOU SHUT YOUR GODDAMN CAKE HOLE!!!!!!! JANE: !!!!!!

YEAH THAT'S TOO MUCH INSULT FOR EVEN HIM TO TAKE. Even Brain Ghost Dirk is shocked at how low she's going. CHEW HER OUT, ENGLISH!

(==>)

JAKE: Listen to you, lecturing me about parenting and flagellating me with fucking... infanticidal peanut snuff fantasies! JAKE: Tavros isnt even allergic to peanuts anymore! JANE: What?

What?

How...?

(==>)

HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED JAKE HOPED HIM BACK TO LIFE OR SOME SHIT?!?! GAMZEE???

JAKE: Hes been cured since he was thirteen! JANE: How???? JAKE: Gamzee. JAKE: Via some vile cosmic caper or another it is *always* gamzee! JAKE: He found out! JAKE: Started rambling on and on about "how motherfuckin' malicious" it was to see "A dIfFeReNtLy AbLeD bRoThEr MiSsIn' OuT oN tHe NiRvAnA oF tHaT nUtTy MoThErFuCkIn' NeCtAr."

Yeah, Jane being in ANY sort of relationship with Gamzee was a war crime towards her whole family and reality itself.

DIRK: (Why are you doing the voice?) JAKE: "ThErE's WhOlEsOmE, hOlIsTiC hEaLiNg PrOpErTiEs AlL uP aNd StUfFeD iNtO tHe HaRmOnIoUs UnIoN oF pB aNd J." DIRK: (You don't need to do the voice.) JAKE: "WhAt EvEn Is ThIs SuLtRy BiTcH oF a LiFe WiThOuT a LiTtLe PeAnUt BuTtEr JeLlY tImE?" DIRK: (It'd be so sick if you stopped doing the voice.) JAKE: Then he pulled the "OuR dUtY aS sTrOnG mAlE mOtHeRfUcKiN' mOdElS iS tO nUrTuRe AnD gUiDe ThAt LoSt LiTtLe LeGuMe-InToLeRaNt LaMb," card. JAKE: "We StRaIgHt Up GoT tO bE tHe ChAnGe WhAt AlL nObOdY eLsE eVeR gOt DoWn To BeInG iN tHe WoRlD, fOr ThE lItTlE nEgLeCtEd NuGgEtS *wE* aLl WaS." DIRK: (Fuck me, then.)

Jake is invoking Gamzee's spirit Hopeways here, he HAS to do the voice, BG-Dirk. No getting around it.

And yeah, Gamzee would find insane fucking ways to abuse their son and Jane would turn a blind eye to it because of her pointless clown lust, it seems. NO WONDER TAVROS KICKED HIS CORPSE!!!!

JANE: He always felt you two had a common tragic upbringing. JAKE: I know... JAKE: After that, the insane clown started stowing peanuts around the mansion, tricking little tavvy into eating them! JAKE: Poor squirt was thrashing throat-first into anaphylactic shock bi-weekly. JAKE: I epipenned him so many times, i learned needlekind! JAKE: Worried myself as sick as our boy was, just wishing that nutty nightmare would nix. JAKE: Then, wham. JAKE: It did! JAKE: Thank god! JANE: I- JANE: I had no idea. JAKE: Of course you didnt! JAKE: You werent there!

Preach, Jake English!!!!! Preach all over this neglectful asshole bad excuse for a mother who gave Tavros privilege and little else!

JAKE: You might have expelled him into existence with your easy-bake tuna canoe.

SDFJ:DSKLJ EASY BAKE TUNA CANOE ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS JAKE XD

FUCK THAT'S HILARIOUS

JAKE: But i kept him alive! JAKE: I raised him! JAKE: Nelsons knickers, half the time it feels like "uncle" fucking gamzee had more hand in his upbringing than you did! JANE: Oh... my... JANE: I never... took a second to stop and think... JANE: I don't remember when he took his first steps. JANE: Or what his favorite food is. JANE: I didn't even fucking breast feed him! DIRK: (Which is fucking crazy, all things considered.) JANE: I don't... even know what his first word was. JAKE: It was "honk." JANE: Jesus Christ.

Oh my God. She's actually fucking seeing it. Maybe only for a moment, but... she's actually fucking SEEING IT. This is a radical breakthrough.

Ever since the talk between Jade, Rose, and Kanaya back there got SO FUCKING REAL, I should have been suspecting... is the stabilization they're attempting at the Plot Point working RETROACTIVELY to make the entire Candy timeline make more sense, and bringing even people as far out of character as Jane Crocker back closer to reality, radiating its effects somewhat backwards in time and not just forwards? To help people like Jane and Jake and John and such finally BREAK OUT of their respective head fogs and truly see what's been going on around them all this time???

(Canon Roxy over on the pursuit ship might even be helping Callie WRITE HER STORY BETTER than Callie started off doing! That would explain a lot, while possibly even providing a Void pocket to keep the plans they're writing to have it influence the main timeline back invisible to the dueling Authors!)

((ALSO also, if you wanted Candy to be closer to Canon, Gamzee's chucklevoodoo influence and Bard of Rage role would have gone a long way to keeping Jane in a relationship with him and unaware of the abuse of her son.))

Jane looks like she's about to come to terms with something serious, but I'm pretty sure we can't have her reverse herself just yet. Which means something is going to make her even madder-- something is going to blow her up and waste some of what she's finally realizing.

Jake might successfully chew her out, say he's leaving her, hang up and fly out from the ship (not telling her he's off to destroy the Orbital Laser), while Jane contends seriously with her sins as she approaches her climactic battle and provides an opportunity for Roxy to possibly save this version of her later...... but something gives me the feeling that this version of Jane is going to be kept irredeemable, which means that the most efficient way narratively to accomplish that... is for Jake to fuck up here by accidentally revealing he's been working for the enemy. By, for example, yelling at her for threatening to destroy the Plot Point when it's their best hope to save the universe/timeline when she knows HE SHOULDN'T KNOW THAT unless he'd known about The Point before all this. At which point he would HAVE to vamoose in a jiffy to avoid capture, and Jane would be too enraged to fully dwell on her failings in motherhood and relationships just yet. I think in the next couple pages we'll see which happens.

(AND, as I've pointed out repeatedly in the Epilogues and my earlier HS^2 liveblog-- (NO WONDER Jane never resurrected Gamzee even though she FULLY had the power to do so, and held an entire public funeral to appease his followers without revealing that she could have snapped her Lifey fingers and revived him this whole fucking time! She kicked him off the ship in the first place before Vriska killed him after all.)

Please tell me I haven't hit the image limit yet I HAVE to keep reading...

(==>)

JANE: He must hate me. JAKE: Oh, janey... JANE: It's true. JANE: Look at the way he acted during the hostage negotiations. JANE: His life was threatened, and Tavros didn't call out to me once! JANE: Like he... he knew I had other concerns. JAKE: Well, JAKE: You do.

Yeah, Jane never prioritized her family. She debated saving Tavvy mainly for the cameras.

JANE: Do you think I want to? JANE: I wanted this family! JANE: I can't help how much goddamn pressure I'm under! JAKE: Nobody asked you to shoulder any of that. JAKE: ...Dear. JANE: I had to! JANE: The rest of you couldn't be trusted! JANE: None of you even bothered to graduate high school! JANE: While you were all being shut-ins, and self-destructing, and fucking... cavorting!!! I was making public appearances. JANE: Somebody had to represent us, so people wouldn't assume the worst! JANE: They waited 5000 years for us, and for what? To see there was no plan, no reason, that none of their gods were really on their side. JANE: I had to become an adult before ANY of you decided to catch up. JANE: Sigh. JANE: If Tavros never felt any love from me, it's because I barely had anything left to give.

Holy shit, Jane feels the same way as Jade. Trying frantically to live up to the title of Goddess for the planet because she feels OBLIGATED to by her self-esteem, except she took a different route and threw herself into the role permanently at the expense of her family.

JANE: No wonder you both left. JAKE: !!!!!!! JAKE: Er... im not following. JANE: Come on, now, Jakey. When you went to go stay with John. JAKE: Zooks, you knew id skittered away this whole time? JAKE: And you arent mad? JAKE: Why? JANE: Because I love you, you bobo. JANE: I have loved you since I was 13. JANE: Sure, going off the map right after my father died was not the kindest timing. JANE: But you were always going to come back. JANE: And I mastered forgiving you a long time ago.

Whoaaa.

JANE: I even forgave you for Dirk. JAKE: Forgave me for... for being with him? JANE: What? JANE: No, I was always an ally first when it came to that. JANE: What's a... a dalliance between bros, really? DIRK: (Word.)

What is she talking about now? Is she blaming JAKE for Dirk unaliving himself in the Candy timeline???

Okay I'm paranoid about hitting the image limit soon and I'm willing to defer this revelation for JUST a moment, so let me post this now and start immediately writing my third liveblog post of the day. :)

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Dirk Strider #Rose Lalonde #Heart and Mind #Hope and Rage #Tavros #Tavvy Crocker #Jake English #Jane Crocker #Life and Doom #Karkat #Meenah #Dave Strider #Breath and Blood

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iso-calamistra · 2 months ago

Text

On namedays.

As of yesterday, I am twenty and seven.

The Scions my friends put together a little celebration. I specifically requested for it to be private, and not some grand feast; in fact, I asked for it not to be at mealtime at all. I know that's customary, but I can't stand that sort of thing these days. We just sat in the Rising Stones and told each other stories.

Namedays are strange. When my friends spoke to me about celebrating mine, I felt... ashamed, though I can't imagine what for.

In my family, a nameday was celebrated with food. No delicacies or anything, just plenty. Plenty was a special thing.

It wasn't as though we were starving. We found our ways. Even when resources dwindled— and they always did— my grandmother would never let us think of ourselves as poor or destitute. I am told we used to be nobility, the clan of Calumistre. This would have been long, long past, in the days of a thriving Gelmorra, of course— by the time my siblings and I came around, all we had were eighth, ninth, tenth-hand retellings.

I'm also told that other kinds of families have a sort of expectation that their children, at a proper age, set out on their own. I only heard that sort of thing in faerie tales. It was all very dramatic to me, at the time— it always had a fancy name like "leaving the nest" or somesuch. How foreign.

I'll be honest, dear reader— I was not the brightest child. Not well-suited to practical physical labor, nor crafting pomanders, nor any particular field of study. Daydreamer. Sick. Et cetera. I liked faerie tales. They felt about as real as the rest of it, to me.

So, what's something only a dull child who likes faerie tales would do? I asked my grandmother, the once-great Radegonde Calumistre, if I could leave.

"You wish to flee to the surface, where we are so clearly despised? This is the only home for us. It has been our home for hundreds of years. If you leave, know well you can never come back. If you abandon this place, the Gridanians who walk over our heads will spurn you, shun you, and bury their dead where you used to sleep. Is that what you want, Isolée?"

I can only approximate the words; it was a long time ago, now. Only the venom is still there.

It wasn't as though Grandmother was a monster, or anything. She helped us live. I remember, on one of my namedays (maybe my tenth? Thirteenth? I haven't the foggiest) she talked some Keepers that lived nearby into getting us a jar of honey. I was so scared of wasting it, I put only a drop in my frumenty. Oh, she was incensed. Something like "I work myself to bones, and you refuse to eat the stuff?! Two more spoonfuls!"

It makes me want to laugh, thinking back on it, but back then I was so confused. I remember feeling like I always was, about everything.

I remember toad legs and dried plums. Fermented mun-tuy. Mushrooms roasted over fire.

This nameday was the first time I told most of the Scions where I'm from. Lyse and others more familiar with the Shroud weren't surprised, but the twins were shocked that there are still a few settlements in the ruins. I made everybody guess at what age I first saw the sun. Everyone was way off until Yugiri finally got it. Ten and nine. I thought the reaction to that was somewhat excessive, but I guess that's partially on me for giving it a dramatic set-up.

When the rest trickled out, Thancred and I had a drink. He may be one of the only people on this star I trust to pour me anything. I miss him when he's gone.

We shared our own stories, quieter ones, the kinds you don't tell around a table. He talked about Minfilia. The early days with Ryne. Times before that, times when he was alone. He talked about Papalymo. I wasn't as close to Papalymo as the other Scions, but I cared for him, and I have a little scar on my stomach to show for it. I showed Thancred. He laughed, and then he wept.

I talked about Zenos yae Galvus, about seeing my face reflected in his and wanting to vomit. His blood, red on the pink flowers. The colors clashed so horribly.

I tried to talk about the light-poisoning, but my throat closed up. Thancred knows how it feels to have your body betray you.

We went through lists of both our dead, and drank to each and every one. Once we were well and truly inebriated, we confessed things; our tiny childish fears, our stupid hopes, everything we didn't know how to explain. For his sake, I will not repeat what he told me, and I've already written my worst. I needn't repeat myself.

I've rambled on quite long enough. The writing has served its purpose in distracting me from this murderous hangover. My apologies for any ink smudges; it's early enough that the light is yet low, and my hand is unsteady besides.

I have no philosophical revelations, no sage closing remarks for you, but I have sentiment to spare; overflowing, sappy sentiment.

I still don't believe that love is the answer, but it has to be, or we'd never have made it this far. It is all we have.

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casinorabbit · 2 months ago

Text

Yuuna herself is aware of the people that glanced their way until they were sitting at the table, but it felt like the bunny girl herself was throwing glares their way so they would stop staring; her focus back to Sanae once she picked the menu and asked about the strongest drink.

"You may want whiskey or vodka." She's been here so many times, that it didn't take Yuuna long to point to the list where beverages that combined with whiskey or vodka were listed, at the same time that her eyes wandered to look at their surroundings.

"Mind if I order some yakitori for the two of us? So the alcohol doesn't fall on an empty stomach and all." Some self-control she had, because she really wanted to get wasted, and while she did know on an empty stomach the alcohol would hit her faster and harder, she honestly didn't want to end throwing up or getting sick.

Partially, she could almost feel the tension in the air, letting one of her own hands rub over her own throat, like if she was the one holding herself from exploding…but it was the woman in front of her.

"We only…live once." She repeated for herself, before she looked back at Sanae and let both of her arms cross to rest on the table.

"Ya know…I used to be the most popular girl at school." After starting, she let one of her hands rest on one of her hands as her elbow took her weight against the table.

"Popular at school. Top grades. Everyone was after my ass. My parents raised me well…I liked music, so I thought I could eventually become a musician…great! Isn't it? I had the control of my life at the palm of my hand! With my talent, I could get anywhere I wanted. I could have a future, make my parents proud, and probably find someone to fall in love with! I was a hopeless romantic then."

She made a pause, but for one reason or another, she couldn't help but let out a soft laugh.

"But even when it feels like life's already solved for you, it can turn around completely, and there's nothing you can do to keep it from falling apart…lovers that would cheat on me, or that would simply get with me to use me. Some that didn't put the same effort in the relationship as I did- and that was a child's game in comparison to what would happen next."

Even when she made a brief pause, Yuuna was still smiling. To a point, her expression softened further and she was almost grinning, as if her own bad experiences were amusing to look back to.

"My mother died when I was about to enter college…I got into the one I wanted, but she died on us from breast cancer before I could even tell her- it was, sudden." It was very subtle, hiding behind that attitude of not caring anymore about things that already passed. "Then, my father started to abuse me. Sexually. It made me wonder if I've had been living with a monster for all those years, or if the monster only appeared as soon as mama died."

It's then that she hummed softly, before smiling rather smugly and half-closing her eyes.

"Once I couldn't take it anymore I came to Tokyo to run away…finding a job…I knew from experience I could abuse my looks and my voice to get something, and well…here we are. Now all I'm good for is being a slut. I broke countless hearts, to the point that seeing you argue with Miku reminded me that I'm a fucking idiot, for thinking everyone has the same intentions.

There was a girl once that actually put effort in trying to have something with me, but I ruined it. I stomped on her heart like I did countless times before with others, because I didn't feel it was genuine. I thought they only had an idea of who I was in their mind, that they didn't know Yuuna, just the Lucky Bunny." While she took this as a chance to share a piece of herself, this also was used to lead her to a conclusion.

"The same way a 'perfect' life can fall apart from day to night, I feel some opportunities could have the opposite effect." She swallowed, and even if she wanted to break eye contact, she managed to keep looking at the bartender. "Maybe it's too late to take me out of this rabbit hole, but I feel things can still get better for you, Sanae-san."

Even as she charges in, the internal chain she keeps herself on tugs at her heart. As if she were some bad dog that was misbehaving, needing a good pull to the leash to get herself back in line.

It's because of this that she holds the door open for Yuuna, as much as she would rather pretend like it was her idea to come to this place alone. That Yuuna was just tagging along to annoy her.

But no, she's had enough of pointless acts for the night. What she needs is to forget she has a heart at all, even if it screams in her iron tight clutch. She wipes her eyes on her sleeve, the dampness leaving a spot behind, but her expression is...

Blank. She's practiced this before. So much so that she'd have to force herself to cry, if she wanted catharsis from the constant, painful aches.

She doesn't meet the waiter's eyes, nor say a word. Simply follows Yuuna to the table, trying to mentally block out the noise from the other patrons. Some of whom kept staring at the new arrival.

She is too scared doesn't care the way she looks in their eyes. Just survive this, and you'll get to go home.

Picking up the menu, it takes every bit of strength to keep her voice monotone. Yet it remains low, and quiet, not wanting to draw any more attention to herself than she already has.

"What's the strongest drink on this menu?"

#ic #lesbian megurine #SHE'S TRYING SO HARD NOT TO BREAK AND YUUNA'S HERE...'yeah I'll do a little push again'

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crystalflygeo · 2 years ago

Text

Last of her kind Emperor!Alpha!Zhongli + Slave!Omega!Dragoness!Reader-

cw/tags: mentions of slavery and past sexual abuse on fem!reader, A/B/O dynamics, mating bites, fingering, scenting, pet names, zhongli has a knot and alpha fangs and is not afraid to use them lmao, some nip and clit stimulation ig?? emotional roller coaster ngl.

notes: So remember a loooong time ago when I held a poll and one of the options was "dragon" and it WON?? well actually it was this, (dragon READER heh) it just got WAY out of control. 5.6k words and now I wanna make it into a whole series //head in hands// anyway ye have this weird lil funky AU I poured my sweat blood and tears into (also my heart and soul) idk why I am just so attached I love it so much plsss I have ideas fot other scenes with them already aaaaaaaaa <3

Partially inspired by some of @silentmoths' fics holy shIT I LOVE DRAGON READER AND I LOVE OMEGAVERSE NOD IF YOU AGREE!!

Last but not least if y'all wanna be part of my pinglist uhh I'm making one now so :3c

Part 2 ->

Strange yellow leaves fall around you all over the courtyard…

“Fix your clothes, you have to look appealing… well, as appealing as a creature like you can be.” The voice of your Master calls out harshly, pulling and tugging at details in your outfit. It was a flimsy and silky thing, mostly see-through, rather elegant, but very revealing.

You’re used to it.

“And stop looking so miserable! You better smile and please this Alpha. He’s not just anyone, you know?”

You nod meekly, trying to hide the slight trembling on your body. This will be just another bonding attempt. Nothing else.

It will fail. Just like all the others before.

Silver chains clink and tug the collar at your neck, it shakes you back to the present as you stumble forward.

Master guides you through a maze of corridors, with sleek surfaces of dark wood, decorative lanterns and paper screens. They’re strange, covered in even stranger symbols that look nothing like the ones back in the desert. Your bare feet, used to rough hot sand, now walk along polished wood with your draconic tail dragging behind. Everything looks so lavish…

You’ve been brought all the way to Li- Liu-… Li-yue? A foreign country, to meet a potential client. Well, a client to your Master. You are just the merchandise: a dragonblood Omega. Rare, unique even, “exotic”.

But defective.

Your fists clench in nervousness. How rough will this Alpha be with you? You dread to find the answer. Alphas were cruel, ever since you remember you’ve been taught to please, be gentle, obedient and look pretty, but they were never any of those things. Alphas just took their pleasure and used your body as they wanted, usually until you were crying and screaming, begging for mercy. You just hope this Alpha would give you some pity and be quick… or give you time to rest in between attempts.

Though you had learned since long that your wishes don’t tend to come true.

What a disappointment. After I spent so much money and resources on you.

Such a waste of time, what use is there in an Omega that can’t bond?

Why do I even bother with you? You’re just good for the reproduction camp. Maybe that way you can produce another dragonblood.

This is your last chance, mutt. If you fail again, I won’t be bothering with you anymore.

You feel anxiety creeping on your chest, heart jumping to your throat as the dark thoughts invade your mind. Last chance… your last chance at bonding. At proving you’re not useless and stupid. At serving your purpose as Omega. What was happening to you was fair. You deserve to be punished and you should be grateful you have one last chance after all your failures.

You just want to… to…

Tears prickle at your eyes and you breathe in deeply, trying to contain your distress and hugging your own tail, rubbing your face on the fluffy tip.

Whatever happens today, your fate is going to be sealed.

The nest room is nice.

Like the rest of the place, it is rather elegant, dimly lit with neutral colors and wooden walls, filled with pillows and blankets that had a very subtle flowery aroma to them. Small cabinets to one side with some decorative objects on top and a full-length mirror on the other side. So much different from the barren cold stone walls and tents from the desert camps.

“Hm, pretty fancy.” Master says taking off your collar, your soft unblemished neck now on display, free from any claim. “Now…” He pulls at your hair and you wince, whining and lowering your ears on a submissive display. He wouldn’t hurt you right? You have to look pretty. “The emperor will be here shortly. Make sure to do anything and everything he wants. And you better smile, I told you.”

“E-Emperor?” You pale, eyes widening.

He scoffs and pushes you back, you stumble back into the mess of pillows. “That’s right. I don’t know why but he was very adamant to see you it seems. Perhaps he just wants the prestige of owning the last known dragonblood, hm? Another novelty for his collection, I’m sure. You should consider yourself really lucky. So…” He flashes his Alpha fangs at you with a growl and you whimper again, cowering. “I would suggest you do your best and don’t disappoint this time, he’ll pay a pretty penny for you.”

And with that he leaves, muttering something and almost slamming the strange sliding door.

And so, you’re alone.

Immediately your brain goes into overdrive. An emperor? You had been presented to various Alphas of high status before, wealthy merchants and high-ranking tribe members, but this… this was probably a whole other level.

An emperor had to have an empress, right? Someone of noble birth and high status such as himself, not a lowly sand lizard like you, with weird ears, scales, horns and a tail. Why would he want to see an Omega like you? Perhaps Master was right, he intended to keep you as a trophy in his collection, another pretty thing.

It was humiliating.

But anything was better than being doomed to the reproduction camp…

Maybe the emperor had a harem? You’ve heard of them before, some Alphas liked to boast having many Omegas bound to them. Living in this luxury, not having to worry about much anything except looking pretty and pleasing him once a while. Hell, maybe he wouldn’t even pay attention to you, you’d be just a glorified pet.

You could… do that.

Without noticing, your tail starts swaying after you, this could be a chance. Your chance. You just had to make him like you. Forget the bond. Don’t think about it. All you have to do is please him.

You start frantically arranging the sheets and pillows around, building the comfiest nest you ever had with all the extra material, scenting it with excited happy pheromones. You could do it, this was your chance.

You won’t fail this time. You’ll be pretty, obedient, submissive, the ideal Omega. You’ll let him use you to his heart’s content, sure you may be a little sore but it’ll be worth it if he chooses you. He won’t even care about the bond.

…Right?

You jolt when you hear the door slide slightly open again, your heart leaps to your throat as someone walks in.

Oh.

Is… he the emperor? … He’s handsome.

To be fully honest, you expected some fat pompous middle-aged man not this… perfect specimen of an Alpha.

Your tail sways a little with curiosity.

He looks only slightly older than you, tall, wearing elegant robes in brown and golden hues. His eyes are like a sunset: golden, warm, almost glowing. A red liner accentuating them. Long chocolate hair faded to amber at the tips. His scent was earthy and pleasant, subtle unlike most Alpha musk. Almost comforting and… familiar?

He seems to stare back at you with the same surprise, frozen for a moment, eyes slightly wide, he says something you can’t quite hear and it shakes you out of the spell. You suddenly feel a little self-conscious, curling your tail around you, ears down and resisting the urge to brush (hide) the scales at the corners of your eyes.

It occurs to you that you’ve been just staring like an idiot, you don’t know very well how to address him, nor know his foreign tongue. So, you simply lower your head in respect. “My Lord…”

You suddenly feel nervous. This is it.

You turn around, following the motions ingrained in your brain. Body splayed on the nest, arms tucked in, head down. Submissive, obedient. Your hands are shaking, you feel dizzy, heart thrumming in your chest, blood rushing in your ears.

You lift your butt just slightly, tail curling elegantly over your back, out of the way to expose the flimsy fabric covering your privates, properly presenting to the Alpha. You focus on trying to control your pheromones, letting out just whiffs of a needy sensual scent, worried of mixing in your anxiety and fear and displeasing the emperor.

You had to be pretty, enticing, compliant, and he would, h-he would…

A rather awkward cough has you tense. “There is… no need for that.”

You blink for a moment, taken aback at the rich deep baritone of his voice, so hypnotizing you almost don’t register his words. He speaks common tongue, but still, what does he mean? Isn’t this just… standard protocol for bonding? Isn’t he going to mount you?

You dare peek over your shoulder and see him sitting elegantly over his knees at the floor. He’s outside of the nest range.

He’s also slightly pink at the cheeks and pointedly avoiding looking at you.

Is this a trap? Is he testing you to see if you’ll misbehave? Your hands clench, nails digging at your palms, your breathing and heart increasing pace.

“I just want to talk, I promise.” He tries.

You hold the position.

He sighs, and then-

“Omega, relax.”

You almost squeak at the Alpha command. His voice, his will, seeps into your skin, your nerves, your very bones. You feel your muscles loosen up, tension leaving your body like a bowstring snapping and you lie on the sheets sideways.

Right right right, you’re tense, you have to be soft and pliant-

You look over at him and he’s… heading over to the little cabinets. He picks up a kettle of some kind and little cups that sit on the top, moving around calmly and elegantly as he seems to prepare something. Your head tilts and you gingerly sit up straight. Tail and ears down, curled up not unlike a wounded animal.

“Do you speak the common tongue?”

“Y-Yes!” You nod. “A little…”

“Good.”

The emperor seems… pleasant, he is calm and unguarded, so different from the cold intimidating Alphas you’ve met who like to show off, who immediately order you around. He even used an Alpha command on you but it felt… grounding. There is something equally eerie and entrancing about him and you feel yourself as much drawn to him as terrified of his imposing aura, and you couldn’t explain why. It’s a bit unsettling but also comforting at the same time.

He pours two cups and turns to you. You stiffen and he offers you one.

“Qixing tea is one of the most refined Liyue teas. It tends to be very bitter but this blend has a more pleasant taste, a little floral even. It is also said to help relax one’s mind.”

You carefully take the cup, not wanting to insult such gracious offer, though you’re utterly confused, shouldn’t you be the one serving him?

The cup is warm.

You stare at the golden liquid, small black dots sit at the bottom. This has no alcohol… right? It can’t be worse than snake wine at least.

You carefully take a sip, trying to imitate how the emperor is holding his.

It is… nice, a strong sharp taste but not bad, and very aromatic.

He’s looking at you expectantly and your tail and ears twitch. “I-It’s very good. Thank you, my Lord.”

He smiles and your heart skips a beat. “I am glad. Some say Qixing tea is for older people, but it’s frankly one of my favorites.” He stares at his cup with a somewhat nostalgic gaze, as if it brings him fond memories. “Ah, you can address me as Morax.”

You nod quietly and take another sip. Past the tea’s powerful flowery scent, you can now sense his Alpha pheromones, with him being so close and the air less tense. They’re strong but not overwhelmingly so, sharp and tantalizing, a refined foreign scent you can almost taste in the back of your throat. It stirs something in you, something warm and alluring.

“Do you know where were you born? Who are your parents?”

The question takes you by surprise for a moment as you shake out of your thoughts. Ah, he must be inquiring about your dragonblood. “I-I’m…. I’m not sure, my Lo- um… L-Lord Morax. As far as I know my mother worked at a-a heat house… no one knew who my father was and she passed away when I was very young.”

“I see… so you have no idea where you got your dragon traits from.” It was a sentence rather than a question and you shake your head meekly, taking another sip from the tea, ears lowering back.

“Apparently it could be due to recessive genes.” You once again repeat the same words you’ve heard all your life. You hate bringing attention to your dragon features, people either treat you like a rare exotic creature or a dangerous one. You didn’t know which was worse.

“Hmmm…” Lord Morax seems pensive for a moment, also drinking some of the tea. “Have you been with your caretaker for long?”

You look down. “Master has been in charge of me ever since I… p-presented as an Omega.”

“Does he treat you well?”

Your eyes widen, the question catching you completely by surprise. T-Treat you well? You are… treated like any other slave omega, if only being singled out by your draconic traits. He feeds you, he gives you clothing and education, he arranges the best matches he can for bonding, he even got you here in the first place. You owe him everything, you’re nothing without him.

So then… Why do you find yourself thinking back on all the harsh words, all the punishments, all the screaming and crying, all the… t-touches…

You gulp. “M-Master ensures I have the best living conditions and opportunities I can.” Is what you settle for.

He hums.

There is silence for a moment and lord Morax settles down his cup.

“I don’t think you’re aware of how special you are.”

Just when you thought he couldn’t surprise you anymore, he utters those words and makes your heart speed up.

Is this anxiety? Fear?

“Judging from what your Master has told me, you’re treated like quite the novelty, an exotic half-blood not unlike the Valuka Shuna or Kätzlein. Here in Liyue however those with traits like yours are called Xiānshòu.” The foreign word rolls off his tongue. His golden eyes fix on you and you freeze. “Also known as illuminated beasts. With immense power and longevity, even the half-bloods. They’re well respected and looked up to, why, some are even revered as deities...”

You? Such a fantastic creature? That can’t be…

“Seems to me like things are different in the deserts of Sumeru, however.” His eyes narrow and for the first time you notice his diamond pupils. They look like a snake’s. The same eerie glint he had a few minutes ago is back darkening the bright golden eyes. Yet, for some strange reason you don’t feel scared this time.

A shiver travels down your spine as you feel your instincts purr in delight. Protective… for some reason lord Morax is being protective of you. You don’t know why or how but you can feel it and it made your inner Omega preen inside. An Alpha wanted to protect you, care for you.

“Such a shame.” He adds, sounding almost disappointed but there is something darker underneath. Word simmering with… frustration? “You are such a lovely dragoness, worthy of every praise and prayer they’d sign in your name here.”

You’re very glad your cup rests at your lap, blushing furiously with trembling hands.

For the next few moments, he continued to ask some more questions. What you like or dislike, what you do in your free time, even something as innocuous as your favorite color. Time seemed to stretch into infinity as you grew a little more comfortable with your answers and the whole situation, as though you weren’t talking to an emperor, or even a potential master or Alpha but rather… someone who saw you for who you are.

You liked that. You liked him.

You wanted to stay with him.

You wished to-

“Alright, I think that’s enough. I will have a talk with your Master and we’ll settle things.” He stands up and dusts his attire a little.

Your breath stops.

He is leaving.

Did you do something wrong? Didn’t he say he liked your appearance? Are you such a failed disgraceful omega? Your last chance at bonding. You didn’t even get to impress him. You want to call out to him, do something, anything. Panic rises in your chest, drowning you, freezing you. You can barely think, instincts screaming, begging, wailing in despair for him. This kind Alpha, this gentle, patient, imposing, majestic Alpha who’s too good for you and yet something deep inside you yearns for him…!

“I am very glad to have met you little xiānshòu.” A small smile tugs at his lips. Then, he turns and heads for the sliding doors.

So, you do the first thing that comes to your mind.

The empty cup falls from your hands, your footsteps thump loudly on the wooden floors, soft fabric clenches between your fingers.

As soft as the lips you crash yours onto.

…

It only lasts a few seconds but when you back just a little, ears low and tail curled up in apprehension, you realize what you did.

You’d kissed him, you’d kissed the emperor.

You’re shaking like a leaf, clinging to him for dear life. He stares at you with wide surprised eyes but you’d rather die right here for your insolence than live the rest of your days in regret.

His scent takes on an alluring hint to it and your inner Omega is overjoyed. Up so close it is almost irresistible. His face remains impassive, if a little tense, but you can see in his eyes something you identify very well… hunger, desire.

“Lord Morax… t-the nest… please.”

“Y-You don’t have to-”

“Please! Allow me to please you, allow me to show you…how…” You whisper against his lips, leaning in again as your eyes flutter close.

And suddenly his hands wrap around you and pull you close, cupping your face, curling at your waist, there’s something possessive in it and you feel slight vibrations as he growls deep from his chest against your mouth. But there is also something sweet, something delicate…

And for once, you want more. You want this.

How did you end up here? In the most beautiful nest you’d ever constructed, with the most handsome, kind, caring Alpha you’d ever met?

His kisses are deep and slow, completely unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. You lie on the soft sheets as he looms over you, exploring your mouth with an unhurried pace, hungry yet not forceful, letting you timidly do the same at your own pace.

This is nice…

His hands run along your body, caressing your skin through your flimsy attire. His touch curious but gentle.

“May I?” He asks, tugging at the fabric off your shoulder.

You shiver, at his voice, as the pure want in it, in his eyes, in his scent.

“Y-yes my lord…”

“Hmm…” His kisses trail down your jaw down to your neck as he starts pulling the garments off. Careful, instead of simply ripping them apart, your heart skips a beat. “If we’re going to do this, you can use my name and not just titles…”

Your top falls off and goosebumps litter your skin, nipples pebbled as one of his hands cups your breast.

“M-Morax…” You try, shakily, as if testing out the word alone on your lips.

“No, little one. Zhongli. That is my name.” He kisses down your shoulders, nipping at the skin.

“Ah!” Your tail flickers around and you purr.

You take the initiative to kiss him this time, and your hands start roaming his foreign clothes, fumbling with knots and pawing at the fabric. He chuckles at your frustrated whine. You want more, more of this feeling, more of him. To touch his skin, cover him in kisses, worship him.

(Show him what a good Omega you can be.)

No…

You want to make him feel good and please him.

Elegant fabric falls down discarded as he shakes off the layers of his top and you blink surprised. The fabric was bulky and covered up his figure. Lean but muscled, tantalizing like honey. You immediately latch onto him, nosing, scenting, nipping and kissing, feeling the faint outline of his abs and muscles twitch under your touch. He smells so good, he feels so good…

Your Omega instincts are starting to cloud your senses more and more.

Suddenly one of his hands gently squeezes a soft breast and you moan at the sudden touch “O-Oh!”

“You’re sensitive here, do you like this?” He asks, massaging your chest.

You whimper and nod frantically, tail wagging behind you. You had never been this responsive to having your chest played with, though then again, it was rare… but his sensual touches were quickly undoing you. Wetness pools at your gut and you rub your legs together.

Lord Mor- Zhongli… leans down then and something wet flicks over your nipple making you gasp, before warmth surrounds your nub. You cry out even louder. He sucks and laps at it and you instinctively tangle your hands on his hard dark hair, your legs wrapping around his waist.

You groan again, too many layers on the way.

“C-clothes… off, please!”

“As you wish, my dear dragoness.”

He continues squeezing, kissing, caressing and lapping at your skin, leaving a couple of hickeys along the way and teasing his Alpha fangs against you as his attention descends through your body once more, continuing his trail of kisses along your hip. His fingers dip down the waistband of your mesh pants and when you raise your hips to help, he pulls them down.

You’ve been naked in front of others more times than you’d like to count. But there’s something oddly intimate and special about this situation right now.

Your ears lower in apprehension, and your tail flicks by your side, resisting the urge to cover up. Lying down with your legs slightly spread around him. Already flushed, sweaty and panting.

“…You’re gorgeous.”

Huh?!

“I’m so lucky to have found you.” Zhongli nips at your hip. “So lucky that you want me too.” He kisses at your inner thigh.

Your breath hitches.

You’re the lucky one. Completely overjoyed that this Alpha likes you, desires you.

The first touch at your core has you mewling.

Zhongli strokes at your folds, still gentle, finding you soaked as your slick coats his fingers. Your body jolts and you moan “A-Ah!” He smirks against your thigh and nips there again as his fingers move in circles, teasing, testing, before moving to your clit. A finger pad stroking it just so, making your whole frame tremble, like every nerve in your body is being stimulated.

“Mngh- please!”

His fingers travel between your folds. First one sliding in rather easily, pumping steadily as you shudder in pleasure, and then two, making you writhe, bucking your hips against the touch, pushing them deeper, chasing that feeling.

Your body feels hot, too hot. Every sensation blocked except that warm wet feeling down there, in your new heaven. Your hands claw at the sheets, a pleasant fog setting in and you can feel yourself slipping into your most primal needs. But oh, oh, not like this.

You want him. Need him.

“You- y-you! please my lord!”

Something snaps in the Alpha’s eyes and Zhongli growls. Golden eyes dark, swallowed by lust and need and you whine when his fingers leave you. You vaguely hear rustling noises and before you can protest again, he pulls you up back on his lap and oh…

He’s big.

His erection stands proud between your bodies, rubbing against you and you shuffle impatiently, nuzzling against him.

Yes, yes…

Zhongli helps positioning you, gives himself a few strokes, and you feel his cockhead kiss at your entrance, you whine and stare at him rather confused. “L-Like this? B-But I have never- This is n-not how-”

He kisses your forehead, your nose, and pecks at your lips. “I can imagine this is very different from how they’ve taught you Alphas mount Omegas, but I my dear, intend to make love to you.” He whispers, hot breath fanning your cheeks as he nuzzles you, so close, so intimate. Your heart hammering wildly in your chest. “Like this you will have more control. I want you to relax, enjoy, my sweet dragoness.” He kisses at your cheek, down your jaw to your neck. “May I?”

You can feel your eyes water. No one had ever told you that. No Alpha had ever been this patient or even asked your permission before. Words die on your throat as you stare mesmerized at Zhongli. Grateful. Incredulous. Completely enamored.

You nod, and he guides you down.

It’s different like this. So much different.

You bite your lip and whine a little once you start to move, his hands hold your hips as you raise them and sink back down on his cock, inch by delicious inch. You feel… full, but warm, good. Your insides clench around him and he groans.

Oh… you could get used to this…

“Hah… ah! … m-my lord... I’m…” You feel dizzy but in a good way, your body tingles all over and it’s exhilarating, addicting.

He leans forward a bit, nosing at your collarbone, soft kisses tickle your skin and he… he’s almost purring in delight, inhaling your scent. “I told you, you can just call me by my name... Would you let me hear it?”

You buck languidly on his embrace, enjoying this…sensual experience, these new feelings and sensations. His tender closeness, his intoxicating pheromones, his deep baritone.

Him.

“Zhongli…”

His name comes out as a needy cry and he growls, Alpha pride clearly satisfied. His hands roam your body just enough to shift position and pull you even closer, hips rolling in tandem, picking up speed, his fangs grazing your shoulder.

Your head is swimming in pleasure, fuzzy like stuffed with cotton, small little “Ah… ah… ah!” moans punched out of you. You’re vaguely aware of your nails digging onto his skin but you can’t even stop yourself, you need to hold onto something, anything.

Even your tail subconsciously curls around his ankle (and he doesn’t even seem to mind), like every cell of your body is screaming at you to hold onto him and never let go.

Zhongli’s own breathing comes out in harsh puffs and satisfied groans as he buries himself in you over and over, the sound of skin slapping on skin becomes more prominent.

And then, he hits a spot that has you seeing stars.

Your eyes snap open (when had you closed them?) Back arching as if struck by lightning and letting out a high-pitched moan. H-How did he do that?! What was that? You don’t remember ever feeling like this in previous bonding attempts.

“M-more?” You mewl in delight.

Zhongli looks at you with a satisfied smirk and it only fuels the fire in your belly.

“Gladly.”

That same wonderful feeling travels up and down your body again and again as your moans and whimpers rise in volume, calling his name over and over. Zhongli kisses you, deep and passionate. Whispers praises and sweet nothings on your flickering dragon ears. Touches you so soft and reverently. Your body feels so hot, your mind going blank, you can feel the base of his cock swelling with his knot and the familiar coil of pleasure tightening as you anticipate it, crave it, more intense and satisfying than ever before.

And just as you reach that high, his fangs sink into you.

You come with a squeal, body tensing, clinging onto him, clenching on him as he lets out a deep satisfied groan, knotting you. Wet stickiness coats your insides and thighs. And everything feels right, just right. Perfect even.

It takes a moment to come back to your senses, and it’s to Zhongli’s hands rubbing circles at your back comfortingly, while he laps and kisses at the bonding mark he left on you.

And then the high comes crashing down.

The bonding mark.

Tears well up in your eyes and start rolling down your cheeks, your tail uncoiling from him and curling around yourself protectively, ears down.

Please no… this can’t be…

Please stay…

Please.

Zhongli immediately notices your distress, in your actions and your scent, completely different altogether. His own instincts going wild at the lack of a happy sated mate scent. “Darling, what’s wrong? I’m sorry did it hurt that much? Did I… harm you in some way or did something wrong?” Oh, he sounds so genuinely concerned.

You shake your head desperately. Of course he hasn’t.

But you will.

Your body will. Betray you as always.

No bonding mark has stayed in your neck for longer than a few minutes. They all fade.

Just like the alphas that place them in you.

And then comes the anger, the guilt, the disappointment, the despair, the loneliness…

You can’t take it. Not this time.

“S-stay… please…” You sob.

Your voice sounds so broken, so weak and tiny, absolutely heart wrenching.

And Zhongli embraces you.

“I will, my dearest dragoness. I promise you.” He kisses one of your horns.

You want to believe him but you can only cry harder…

The room is dark as your eyes flutter open. It takes a few minutes to adjust and for your mind to catch up. Where are you…? You look around at the wooden walls, nestled in comfy sheets, you see some wooden cabinets and a tea set-

…!!!

You jolt awake, tumbling some pillows from your fancy nest. Your last chance at bonding. The emperor. He was leaving, and then…!

You slap a hand against the junction between neck and shoulder and feel something there, a bandage… you try to stare at it confused, though it’s impossible from the angle. And then fear consumes you. What if… it’s not there…?

Your body is still naked, though you have been covered with a thick fabric while sleeping, as it now pools at your lap, your Omega scent and that of an Alpha mixed together pleasantly, you turn around.

The Emperor. Lord Morax. Zhongli.

He sleeps peacefully by your side, on your nest, after having mated you.

He stayed.

You stare at his handsome features, fair skin, dark long hair, strong jaw, muscled arms. His lips slightly parted as he breathes evenly. So at ease.

You want to reach out and brush at his hair, touch his face, kiss him.

You want this moment to last forever.

Looking up slightly you see the large mirror, see yourself. A tiny thing, with freaky ears, horns and a tail.

It was… good, while it lasted. Almost like a dream.

Tears start falling down your cheeks again and you try to be as silent as possible as you pull and lift at the bandage in your shoulder. And there underneath it is… something?

Your fingers trace a mark, a wound, it stings and you hiss.

No way. There is no way.

Hope flutters in your chest, your stomach flips and you feel dizzy, nervous. A bonding mark? Is it real? Is it still there?

You shuffle out of the nest as fast and stealthily as you can, standing in front of the mirror. Hair a mess, eyes wide, pale in fear.

And there it is. The clear mark of an Alpha bite, still rather tender. A claim. A bond.

You start sobbing as you trace it, touch it, feel it. It must have been hours, there is no way…

It’s there, it’s there, for real. You want to laugh, to cry, you’re still nervous, scared, hopeful, happy, a million things at once.

But how? Why now?

“Hnng… darling? Are you crying again?” You stiffen as you hear the voice, deep and hoarse, laced with drowsiness. You turn and see him sit up and yawn carelessly like a rishboland tiger. Elegant and intimidating like one too with his bright golden eyes, Alpha fangs and muscled figure. Still naked as well, you note.

“T-the bonding mark… it’s still there!” You exclaim to him, gesturing to it.

“You should let it heal nicely.”

“Y-You don’t get it!” You huff. “My Lord… it’s still there! I’m bonded, I’m yours!”

He chuckles. “Rather, I would say we belong to each other, now.”

Belong to each other.

That sounds nice.

You turn back to the mirror, still staring at it, poking it with a finger softly, as if afraid it’ll disappear, as if it was an illusion, a dream.

But it’s there.

“For years… for years I thought I was doing s-something wrong, that there was something… wrong… with me…” You cry softly. “No Alpha had even bonded me…”

Suddenly you feel strong arms curl around your frame, a chin resting at your shoulder where it kisses your skin, and then brushes over the mark. It stings but you welcome it.

It means it’s real, all of this is.

Zhongli inhales, taking in your scent. “Well you see my dear, a dragonblood… a xiānshòu like you, can only be truly bonded by one of its own kind.”

The words take a moment to process, to sit on your brain, and you frown confused, staring at him from the mirror. And then your eyes widen.

Golden antlers crown his head, majestic and almost glowing, small scales appear under his striking amber eyes, the color of burnt ocher. A large tail, even bigger than yours in golden and brown hues, sways lazily behind him, before finding yours and intertwining with it, the feel is foreign but not unwelcome. Like holding hands.

You turn around so fast you almost trip if it weren’t for his hold. The dragonblood features are still there, in plain sight.

Your throat feels dry.

“You… you’re…”

He raises a finger to his lips and shushes you, then smiles. “I am yours my dear. Just as you are now mine.”

You cling to him and hide your face on his chest as you cry. Overwhelmed, relieved.

Yes, this is where you belong.

#zhongli smut #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin x you #genshin impact x you #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #zhongli x reader #zhongli x you #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #crys writes #fem reader #PLS I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH????#this took SOOOO LONG SORRY AAAAAAA #idek what to say here lma just enjoy hope ppl like it bc.... it's so long;;;;;#got a pretty header tho serious business :O #LohK #just in case (?)

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rileyslibrary · 2 years ago

Note

I love your sense of humour and have cracked up at your stories multible times. Maby you can find some inspiration in this:

Price ordering the team to an etiquette training so they know how to behave in case they have to go under cover in a more "fancy" environment (or the upcoming mission may require something like this). I'm thinking about Ghosts "sausage fingers" from the origami bit on a delicate litte cake fork... Or him needing to *converse* with someone.

I think putting these hard soldiers in a situation that's out of their comfort zone is always a fun read!

Thank you for letting us enjoy your fantastic writing! <3

Be gentle, man!

Relationship: TF141 x F!Reader with a potential Simon “Ghost” Riley x F!Reader (platonic?) on the horizon. Also there’s an OC in the story.

Word Count: 1,598 (approx. 7-8 min reading time)

Notes: I began writing this last night as a joke, and couldn’t stop. Thank you SO MUCH for inspiring me to do this, anon. It’s a crackfic btw. (There’s a part 2 now here)

———————————————————————

The training room feels out of place compared to its usual purpose. Bathed in the soft glow of candlelight, the once-busy gym has been transformed into a classroom for an unlikely lesson—manners, of all things. Table manners, to be precise.

“Talk about Fitness Vs. Finesse,” Soap whispers, and you playfully nudge his side. The comment reaches Gaz’s ears, and he lets out a chuckle. Yet, Price’s death stare reclaims your attention and brings you back to focus.

You all sit around a long, polished mahogany table atop the gym’s boxing ring, admiring the delicate china and crystal glassware set before you. It reminds you of Aunt Claire’s preserved collection, which rarely leaves its cabinet. Lady Theodora, your etiquette instructor, assures you that each piece serves a purpose, and you will put them all to use. Every. Single. One of them.

Lady Theodora, the epitome of timeless confidence, moves gracefully around the table. Her silver hair is slicked back, framing a face that exudes years of wisdom and experience. Her Bordeaux-coloured shawl billows behind her as she glides, catching the gentle breeze her steps create. She pauses behind Price’s chair and reveals the reason behind today’s masterclass: an undercover operation.

“In the world of espionage, where appearances can mean the difference between life and death,” she says in a soft voice, “the art of etiquette becomes a weapon, a shield, and,” she concludes, resting her hand on Price’s shoulder, “your ticket to survival.”

“Bollocks.”

All eyes are drawn to the far end of the table, where a shadowy figure prefers to go unnoticed but isn’t afraid to express doubts. The only visible sign of life is a hand fidgeting with the butterknife.

“I beg your pardon, Lieutenant.” Lady Theodora says, and Ghost leans forward, revealing his unmasked—and visibly annoyed—face.

“We’re soldiers, not knights,” he claims. “Teaching us how to use all these,” he says, motioning to the various utensils before him, “is a waste of time, both yours and mine.”

Lady Theodora regards him gently as if looking at a child throwing a tantrum. She smiles and walks behind him, gripping the back of his chair.

“You seem quite certain of your own competence and doubtful of mine, Mr Riley,” she says, amused.

Ghost tilts his head to the side, partially facing her.

“With all due respect, Lady Theodora,” he replies, “I don’t believe you fully comprehend how such missions operate.”

Lady Theodora lets a light chuckle as she moves closer to Ghost’s face.

“My record of 25 confirmed kills, three of which were accomplished with a butterknife like the one in your hand, might suggest otherwise,” she admits. “Now, would you kindly move your seat forward, Lieutenant? I’ll show you how to act like a proper gentleman.”

Ghost’s Adam’s apple bobbles as he swallows hard. He returns the butterknife to its original position and pushes his chair forward with Lady Theodora’s help.

Gaz clears his throat and looks at Soap.

“Imagine her dinner parties,” he whispers so Price doesn’t hear him, “they must be perfectly executed.”

“Bet she makes a killer soufflé,” Soap whispers back.

You look at them and mutter, “You two are beyond help.” Unfortunately, it’s your own comment that catches Price’s attention this time, and he gives you a stern warning to behave.

“Let’s get started,” Lady Theodora says. “Projecting confidence and grace requires proper posture: sit up straight, shoulders back, and imagine a string pulling you upward from the crown of your head.”

You all adjust your posture, attempting to imitate Lady Theodora. Ghost used to a more relaxed posture, finds it difficult to maintain the required formality. His broad shoulders hunch forward, and he struggles to keep his legs straight.

“Excellent,” Lady Theodora remarks, catching Ghost’s struggle but choosing not to comment further. “Next, we shall delve into the art of dining. Each utensil on the table has a specific purpose, and it is essential to use them correctly.”

She points to the array of utensils laid out before you. Multiple forks, knives, and spoons of various sizes and shapes make the sight overwhelming.

“The outermost utensils are for the earlier courses, while the inner ones are for the later ones.” Lady Theodora says, “It’s like unwrapping a gift, one course at a time.”

You all nod and place the napkin on your lap to begin the process.

Ghost’s ingrained military habits take over when food is served, causing him to devour it quickly. He shovels forkfuls of food into his mouth without looking up and barely pausing to chew.

“Mr Riley,” Lady Theodora addresses Ghost, who shoots his head up to look at her. “I understand the military inclination to eat fast, but we must remember that the food isn’t going anywhere. Take your time, savour each bite, and enjoy your meal, please.”

“Sorry ’bout that.” Ghost mumbles with his mouth full.

Lady Theodora raises an eyebrow. “Mr Riley, it is impolite to speak with your mouth full,” she reminds him. “Please, swallow your food before continuing.”

Ghost swallows and clears his throat. “Apologies, Lady Theodora,” he mutters.

Lady Theodora smiles and nods at Ghost’s response. “Very well, Lieutenant Riley,” she says. “Remember, dining is about more than just the food; it’s also about the company and the experience.”

As the training continues, you witness Soap’s attempts to initiate a proper conversation, only to subconsciously bring up military strategies. Gaz, on the other hand, struggles with small talk and, when asked about his hobbies, blurts out his love of explosions.

“Kerosene is one hell of a—”

“No kerosene talk on the table, Sergeant,” Lady Theodora interrupts. “How about we talk about something more appropriate, like, for example, what did you do today?”

“You’re not going to like it.” He replies.

“Did it involve kerosene?” She asks and receives multiple excited nods from Gaz.

Ghost forgets about his napkin while using the finger bowl and instinctively flicks his hands to dry them. Droplets of water scatter across the table, and Lady Theodora steps forward with a calm smile. She retrieves his napkin and hands it to him. “Remember, Lieutenant,” she whispers, “the napkin is your ally.”

Throughout this ordeal, Price seems to be the only one who already has a natural fluidity in his movements. Like he already knows about etiquette.

You compliment his impeccable manners, but Lady Theodora intervenes before Price can respond.

“Oh, that’s because the Captain already received my services a few years ago,” she reveals, winking.

Price, caught off guard, coughs and sputters, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. After regaining his composure, he clears his throat and grins.

“Yes, well, Lady Theodora’s guidance has been, um, invaluable,” he manages to say and lowers his gaze to his plate. Gaz raises an eyebrow, and Soap gives a sly smile.

With the etiquette training completed, Price gracefully positions his utensils on his plate and folds his napkin. Lady Theodora hands him a file stack, which he distributes to you.

“These files contain detailed background information for your assigned roles,” he explains. “Study them carefully; familiarise yourselves with the personas you will embody, and don’t worry; with Lady Theodora’s help, you’ll have plenty of time to learn how to carry yourselves.”

He watches you all as you take hold of your respective files, scanning the pages and absorbing the details that will shape your performances.

“Gaz, within those pages, you’ll uncover the roadmap to shape your tech persona, along with essential contacts and valuable industry insights,” Price declares.

“A startup entrepreneur,” Gaz mutters and nods, “nice.”

“Soap,” Price continues, “your file contains the lineage and history of an alleged oil tycoon family; you’ll assume the identity of their sole son and heir to the business.”

“Why do I get the oil-moneyed spoiled brat?” Soap protests, “Gaz is the one obsessed with fossil fuel!”

Price looks at Lady Theodora, silently begging her to take the lead.

“Focus on embodying the demeanour of an heir, Sergeant MacTavish,” she comforts Soap. “Acquiring in-depth knowledge of the business is not a top priority now.”

Finally, Price shifts his focus to you and Ghost. His voice softens, and a smile appears on his lips.

“As for the two of you,” he says, “your assignment requires a convincing portrayal of a couple.”

You and Ghost exchange a brief look before returning your focus to the files in your hands.

“Laswell will provide you with a forged marriage certificate and photos of your alleged relationship,” Price continues. “The documents will serve as tangible proof if the need to validate your connection arises.”

“Any chance to let us know who or what we’re after?” Gaz asks, and Price shakes his head.

“Baby steps, Sergeant; we’re waiting for Laswell to give us more intel,” he explains, “but as far as we know, we’re dealing with people who can buy their way out of some very sketchy shit.”

“Language, Captain.” Lady Theodora reminds him.

“Please accept my sincere apologies, Theodora,” he says and turns to Gaz. “I meant sketchy things, Sergeant.”

As they continue discussing the mission, your mind wanders on the latest information. Ghost’s partner? How? You look at the file and then back at Ghost. You see Lady Theodora walking behind Ghost’s chair and leaning close to his ear. She looks at you and whispers to him.

“I told you, Lieutenant,” she says, “I’ll mould you into a proper gentleman.”

Ghost turns to face you as well. “I’m afraid that’s impossible, Lady Theodora,” he replies.

But Lady Theodora smiles and touches his shoulder, “Oh, you’ll see, Mr Riley—you’re my gift to unwrap, one course at a time.”

———————————————————————

Part 2 ->

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these-written-reveries · 2 years ago

Text

I just told my mom I'm autistic/adhd and it was so awkward 😭🙈😫 I already knew she wouldn't be receptive in the way I deep down wish she would be, but she at least didn't say anything rude to my face about it like I was expecting her to so...I guess that's a win? All of this bc I want some noise canceling headphones for my birthday bc I'm suffering and I really think they will help me. I wish I had more loving and accepting parents who didn't just brush off everything I say, act like I'm dumb for being vulnerable enough to bring it up, and then go on to use said thing against me. I knew this when I said it, but I weighed the pros and cons and I would rather risk them using this as ammo against me, in which they might say some hurtful stuff to me sometimes (nothing new), than to continue on suppressing and masking so much in my own home. It is literally painful and it makes everything worse for me. It's not like I'll ever be able to feel safe enough to fully unmask around them, but I also have been unmasking in ways that I can't control and to have to work 3x's as hard to build that mask up and hide who I am in moments when I'm around them (which is quite frequent since I live with them) is way more exhausting and painful than anything else. I'm tired of it. I'm literally burnt out partially bc of that. So, fuck it! They're gonna be abusive assholes no matter what, they already don't like me bc I'm not "normal", why not add another reason to their list of "Why We Hate Kalista", hm? Nothing I haven't heard/experienced before! At least I can wear my headphones and stim and talk to my sister about our neurodivergence in the living area without worrying about them finding out I'm autistic. What a silly waste of time. I'm glad I ripped the bandaid off. Imagine if I continued with that shit for the rest of my life with them? Nah, I'll choose me over you any day. I'm not here to make you comfortable and give in to the fear of your expressed disdain against me. And????🤨 what the fuck is new?! I've accepted that you'll never love me -you aren't capable of it, I get it. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you and I finally understand that now. What you say/do may still hurt me, but it will never rip me to pieces like it used to. I love myself. Unconditionally. That's all that fucking matters.

So good job me for being brave and authentic and vulnerable, no matter how scary or painful it gets. My days of high masking, self-hatred, and suppressing who I truly am are over. I'm looking forward to finding new ways to grow and express myself more authentically -and to getting better at tuning the assholes out! *with my new noise canceling headphones!!!*🥰🤭

#vent post #I really needed to get this out of my system bc omg that was a lot for me #I'm really excited for my new headphones tho!#I hope they're a good fit for me #(I might also get a shiggy figurine to add to my mha collection ❤️)#actually austistic #autism #adhd #audhd

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silver-bough · 1 year ago

Text

I also found this odd, so let's look at what the dialogue dump tells us.

TL;DR: Halsin wants Tav to take the opportunity to enjoy themself with the other revelers tonight before they have to face the problems ahead together. He is also not feeling up to socializing as a result of his recent captivity.

Synopsis: Speaking to Halsin during the celebrations after victory over the goblins. He encourages the player to enjoy themselves - the business they have with him can wait until morning.

These two bits of dialogue and their devnotes echo the synopsis:

Halsin: Enjoy yourself tonight. Come morning, we've got a hard road ahead of us. Context: Warm. 'Enjoy yourself while you can' Halsin: Go on now, don't waste a night like this talking to me. We'll have plenty of time together on the way to Moonrise.

Context: Warm. 'Go have fun while you have a chance'

Why does he reject Tav's flirting? He is aware of it and responds with either a "flirty" once-over or "playful" dialogue. So he doesn't seem opposed.

Player: There's other things we could do besides talking... Halsin: I'm sure there are. You strike me as extremely... resourceful. Cinematic context: Flirtily looks the player up and down right after 'extremely' Context: trails off slightly after 'extremely' to flirtily look the player up and down. Halsin: But there are many grateful people here who want to spend time with you. I must not keep you all to myself. As enjoyable as that may be. Cinematic context: Knowing smile on 'As enjoyable as that may be.' Context: Knowing smile on 'As enjoyable as that may be.' Player: But I'd like to get to know you some more now. Halsin: We'll have time to spare for that, I sense. I'm surprised you haven't had your fill of me already. Context: Modest Player: Hardly. I want to really get to know you. Halsin: Ah, I see. Perhaps I can help you with that, another time. Cinematic context: Cocked eyebrow Context: Cocked eyebrow, playful. Picking up that the player is flirting with him

I think it's partially that he wants you to enjoy the party and the spoils of your heroism while you can. There will be time to talk later. (Plus there's the fact that he doesn't start a romance with you until he's not distracted by the shadow curse.) But I think it's also partially that he's not feeling up to socializing after his captivity:

Player: Take your own advice, why don't you? Go on - mingle a little. Halsin: Later, perhaps. Don't worry about me. A night under the stars amidst nature's creation is just what I need after being locked up in the goblins' dungeon. Context: Reassuring. 'I'm fine; you go let your hair down'

For completeness, the rest of the dialogue:

Ending piece:

Halsin: Go on, enjoy yourself. Seek out some wine before it runs dry - there are a lot of thirsty people around here. Context: Joke-warning at the end

I think you only get this little bit if you haven't spoken to him about Moonrise yet, and then the conversation ends:

Halsin: Enjoy yourself tonight. I'll come find you in the morning so we can talk. Context: Warm.

Baldur's Gate 3 (2023)

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free-boundsoul · 4 years ago

Text

I um wrote something based off of one of the drabbles about my Freelancer. I've never written anything for Redacted ASMR yet but the idea got stuck in my head and I hope I did Gavin justice.

Also, first time writing in a they/them perspective so I'm hoping this wasn't weird.

Freelancer tried to dye their hair, Gavin is...less than impressed. I don't think there's any trigger warnings but if there should be any included please let me know!

(I think this would be mostly considered fluff? Maybe a little spice?)

“Well, what do we have here, just done with a shower? You should have asked me to join you.”

The freelancer turned to the incubus that had just teleported his way into their apartment, hair still a little damp from the shower and a towel around their shoulders. “Hi, Gavin. Thank you for knocking.”

He rolled his eyes at the sarcasm, “I thought we were at the part of our relationship that knocking wasn’t needed. You told me last time to come whenever I felt like it. Poor choice of words on your part, by the way~” His voice slipped into the husky purr it tended to whenever he was trying to get a rise out of them. Which, much to their own chagrin, succeeded more often than not.

They groaned, trying to ignore the heat that crept up their neck as they settled further into the corner of the couch that they liked to occupy. “Still, a little heads up would be nice. You can always shoot a text.”

His warm body pressed against theirs as he dramatically sprawled out, his long legs hanging off the armrest as he rested his head against their shoulder. “Oh, yes, let me text you on my very real cellphone.” He hummed.

They let out an awkward little chuckle at the reminder, “Sorry, I keep forgetting you don’t use one. Hey, is that some sort of demon thing? Like, do you guys just don’t like technology? Or do you just not see the point?”

“Are we going to have another... study session, Deviant?” The combination of his sultry tone and the warm breath ghosting against their neck made them shiver, teeth pressing against their lip. “Or maybe you’d like a more hands on exercise?”

“Gavin...”

They could feel the rumble of his chuckle as his lips pressed against their neck. “You love it... but I’ll stop for now. And to answer your questions, I just never got around to getting a phone and a plan and all that. I prefer talking with people in person. I cannot say what my brethren are more partial to. Now, I have a question for you.”

“Hmm? What’s that?” They hummed, the exhilarating thrum sparking in their core as they used psychokinesis to pull their History of Magic textbook to them. They had a test coming up and reviewing the chapters wouldn't be a terrible idea.

“The fuck did you do to your hair?” He asked as he tugged at a lock. The question made them fidget, one hand lifting to run their fingers through the strands.

“I... wanted to try a new look. I thought that hidden rainbow style would be fun, you know... I’m a Freelancer, and I’ve seen other people at school dye their hair based on what they are. Bleaching it went okay except I might have burned my skin a bit. But the colors kind of...got muddled. I didn’t think it looked that bad for a first attempt...”

Gavin gave a somewhat amused snort, twisting the lock around his fingers before moving their head so he could get a full look. “It looks like a kid’s tie-dye project. It’s...cute in a chaotic sort of way. You’ve been going to class with this?”

“I just did it, so no... I should have gone to a salon, huh?”

“And waste money? You could have just asked me. Transformation magic is...one of my many skills.” They could hear something bitter curdle in his voice at that before his fingers ruffled through their hair. “Seriously, Deviant. This is a mess. Why did you get dye when you have access to magic?”

“I can use magic to change my hair color?”

He let out a long sigh at their question, “Yes, it’s simply changing the pigmentation of the hair follicles. There are salons that have empowered people who do it. But anyone with enough knowledge can do it. Do you mind if I... fix it?” Gavin’s voice softened at the question, almost hesitating, like he wasn’t sure how they’d feel.

They blinked, turning to meet his gaze. “You wouldn’t mind?” They were more surprised he’d even offer, sure, they’ve had a few... study sessions since that first one and they could admit, at least to themselves, that they liked the incubus’ company. They just weren’t sure exactly where they stood with said incubus yet.

“Mind?” He scoffed, hair clips materializing in his hands as he pinned their hair out of the way, fingers combing through the strands “I don’t mind in the slightest. And…” he paused, his voice losing the edge that he usually spoke with “And if coloring it makes you feel more…yourself, then who am I to deny you?”

He cleared his throat as he wrapped his fingers around their waist and moved them so their back as facing him. “And besides, I’d hate to see this every time I pop in. Consider it a gift, Deviant, for entertaining me from time to time.”

They let out a chuckle that dried in their throat as his fingers brushed their neck, his touch leaving a trail of warmth along their skin. “I’d really appreciate the help, Gavin. Thank you,”

“Don’t mention it, Freelancer.” His fingers brushed through their hair, their skin running with goosebumps as he worked. “There we go. What do you think?”

They blinked as a mirror plopped into their lap with a snap of his fingers, lifting it to stare at the reflection of the back of their head from the mirror the incubus was holding behind them. The colors were vibrant and perfectly sectioned out.

“I wasn’t sure what shades you wanted, if you want something more pastel or darker or something just let me-“

“Its perfect!” they blurted out, reaching back to run their fingers through the colors. “Gavin, it’s amazing! It’s exactly how I wanted it to look!” they lowered the mirror so they could turn around to grin up at him.

The incubus paused, giving them a blink before his lips curled up in a soft smirk, chest puffing out a bit. “I told you that this kind of Magic was a simple feat-“

Their lips pressing against his silenced whatever boastful thing he was going to say, their arms winding around his muscled shoulders as they straddled his legs. His hands finding their hips as he pulled them in closer as he returned their kiss.

His hands found their way under their hoodie to trace a pattern along their skin. They pulled back just enough to catch their breath, forehead resting against his as their breaths intermingled.

“Thank you, Gavin.” Their voice a low whisper, sincerity thickening their tone. They just weren’t thanking him for fixing their hair. He’d become a constant presence in their life since they’d met him at that 7-Eleven. Helping them, in his own way, to understand this new, confusing world they were trying to understand. Distracting them when they were having a rough day or when they were overthinking an upcoming test. And, even if the incubus would deny it, his experience was a godsend when it came to magic that they struggled with.

Gavin chuckled lowly in his throat, his eyes smoldering as his fingers tightened on their hips “It was my pleasure, Deviant. But if you’d like to show me your gratitude…I have a couple of ideas that might interest you.”

#redacted asmr #fanfic #redacted gavin #redacted freelancer

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beepboop358 · 4 years ago

Text

A Prom in S4 Theory & Music Coding Predictions

Some leaked set pics indicate that there MAY BE a junior/senior prom at Hawkins High, which they are calling the "Lover's Ball". It's unclear if this prom will be included on screen, or if it will just be mentioned as an event coming up at Hawkins High because this flyer could just extra set decor. Regardless if the prom happens on screen or not, there will probably be some tension about 'who's asking who' to the prom that we will see in s4. Given that this picture was just leaked a few weeks ago, it probably falls closer to the end of the season sequentially.

Having a big school dance in s4 is suspiciously close to how they had the Snowball scene in s2. This would certainly follow the even/odd season patterns, (and actually add to the list of the patterns), which kind of makes me think we will see this prom on screen, or at the very least it will be mentioned in the course of the season.

The Duffer Brothers love Steven King and reference his work and especially 'IT' a lot in the show, but they haven't done anything with Carrie yet so maybe we will get a Carrie moment this season at the prom...

Carrie was on the video store fridays movie inspiration board for ST4.

At the "Lover's Ball", there will be definitely be some music coding relating to Byler. Since music coding is kind of a key thing in the show, I've been rifling through 80's songs to try and find some that may fit with s4's themes/character storylines (and I may do a seperate post about that later), but for this post I'm just gonna focus on what they might use at the prom for relating to Byler.

Since the season is most likely going to take place in 1986, I only selected songs that had a compatible release year so it would be historically accurate. (these songs would also be great for a byler playlist!)

Some strong contenders for the songs that might play at the prom to reference Mike and Will's relationship could be:

"True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper (1986)

This song is honestly too good of an option for them not to use. I'm reallllyyy crossing my fingers for this one.

It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness inside you Can make you feel so small

"And I see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid (don't be afraid) To let them show your true colors True colors are beautiful (you're beautiful, oh) Like a rainbow Oh oh oh oh oh like a rainbow"

If this world makes you crazy And you've taken all you can bear You call me up Because you know I'll be there

"Heaven" by Bryan Adams (1984)

This first verse is literally just the story of Byler... 😭 The rest of the song applies but that verse verse is just sooooo accurate. (I'm crossing my fingers for this one too)

"Oh thinkin' about all our younger years There was only you and me We were young and wild and free Now nothing can take you away from me We've been down that road before But that's over now You keep me comin' back for more

Baby you're all that I want When you're lyin' here in my arms I'm findin' it hard to believe We're in heaven And love is all that I need And I found it there in your heart Isn't too hard to see We're in heaven

Oh once in your life you find someone Who will turn your world around Bring you up when you're feelin' down Yeah nothin' can change what you mean to me Oh there's lots that I could say But just hold me now 'Cause our love will light the way"

"Take My Breath Away" by Berlin (1986)

This song is on Will's Spotify playlist, and I thought it could also be used at the prom since it's a romantic song. I see it as an 'entrance to the prom' moment song, almost like a 'first look' - like the Mike and El moment at the snowball when she first walks in, but with Mike and Will this time. I think the lyrics clearly hint to this kind of 'first look' moment as well.

"Watchin' every motion in my foolish lover's game On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn around and say...take my breath away"

Watchin' every motion in this foolish lover's game Haunted by the notion, somewhere there's a love in flames Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn my way and say...take my breath away"

"In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins (1981)

This song was originally meant to be included in the snowball scene from s2, but it ultimately was not used and "Every Breath You Take" was used for this scene instead. Since it was intended to be a part of the s2 dance, that's why I think it may be used at the prom this season. (you can read the scripts on 8flix)

——— I forgot to include this explanation originally BUT, I think this song might be used to show some anger/resentment between the two, and to show a decent amount of tension, depending on their development this season. Like maybe Mike is kind of leading Will on in private by continuing to initiate intimate scenes between them, but in public Mike is still trying to put on his “straight boy act” and kind of being a jackass about it, and this song could be used to show the tension between them that has caused.

"And I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life, (Oh lord)

Well, I was there and I saw what you did I saw it with my own two eyes So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been It's all been a pack of lies.

Well I remember, I remember don't worry How could I ever forget It's the first time, the last time we ever met But I know the reason why you keep this silence up

No you don't fool me The hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows It's no stranger to you and me"

"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel (1986)

Some of the lyrics in this song just SCREAMS byler, just look at the 1st, 2nd and 4th paragraphs. I would be suprised if they didn't use this song in either s4/s5.

Love, I get so lost sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

All my instincts, they return The grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside

In your eyes The light, the heat (in your eyes) I am complete (in your eyes) I see the doorway (in your eyes) To a thousand churches (in your eyes) The resolution (in your eyes) Of all the fruitless searches (in your eyes)

Love, I don't like to see so much pain So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away I get so tired working so hard for our survival I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

"Heroes" by David Bowie (1975)

David Bowie was bisexual. A cover of his song “Heroes” is used in the show twice already, sung by Peter Gabriel. The song plays when they pull Will's fake body out of the water in season one and Mike cries in his Mom's arms, with some very queer-coded lyrics in the background, and after Hopper's letter in s3 (which is very Byler-centric)

"I will be king. And you, you will be queen 'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact. Yes, we're lovers, and that is that. Though nothing will keep us together. We could steal time just for one day We can be heroes forever and ever. What d'you say? I, I wish I could swim, like dolphins, like dolphins could swim I, I can remember (I remember) Standing by the wall (By the wall) And the guns shot above our heads (Over our heads) And we kissed as though nothing could fall (Nothing could fall) And the shame was on the other side. Oh, we can beat them forever and ever. Then we could be heroes just for one day We're nothing, and nothing will help us Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay But we could be safer just for one day"

I just thought the above songs might be some highly likely possibilities given that they fit the year of the s4 and also make references to not only love, but the idea of hiding, pain, shame, longing, etc., and can make some (partially stretching here) references to other things in the show such as:

RAINBOWS and TRUE COLORS, SHINING THROUGH (rainbows imagery is always associated with Mike & Will in the show and a is symbol of lgbtq+ pride, True Colors shining through = who you really are on the inside finally coming out)

IF THIS WORLD MAKES YOU CRAZY ("crazy together", "only love makes you that crazy" and references the "world" motif in the show)

YOUNGER YEARS, ONLY YOU AND ME, YOUNG, WILD AND FREE (references "not wanting things to change" and wanting "to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter, and the "But we're not kids anymore" comment during the Byler fight)

ENDLESS OCEAN and SWIM, LIKE DOLPHINS (references water's significance in the show)

FLAMES (Will in front of the burning car in s4 teaser?)

LIES and LYING (Mike lying to El about how he feels)

INSTINCTS RETURNING, FACADES BURNING, WITHOUT MY PRIDE, I REACH OUT FROM THE INSIDE (Mike's feelings for Will are his instincts, the facade is the act he put on in s3 to seem straight, burning could reference Will & fire, and I think the last 2 lines of that 2nd verse reference vulnerability- perhaps in an apology/confession)

I GET SO LOST (confusion about his sexuality, feeling lost without the other) and SO MUCH WASTED TIME (known each other since kindergarten but were unaware the other felt the same way/was dealing with same things, they could have been even closer)

KINGS and QUEENS (the d&d game mike wrote where he has king Tristan give him a medal in s1)

STEALING TIME (references "turning back the clock, to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter and the time theme in s4 and time is central to the s4 plot)

AND WE KISS - AND THE SHAME (references the shame they both feel about being gay since it was so stigmatized in the 80's)

Byler @ Prom Possibilities:

If Mike and Will did dance together at the prom, they will probably get bullied because they live in a small conservative town. They will probably either run out, upset, or Eleven will step in to protect them which could lead to the Carrie moment.

Or Mike and Will will not dance together in the actual dance room, but instead sneak off to somewhere else in the school and have a private Byler dance moment where they can't be teased and it's just them together.

OR Mike and Will are still acting weird at this point in the season because neither of them is communicating what needs to be said out of fear, or one of them has confessed or done something to indicate how they feel, but the other hasn’t so everything is weird between them. There would be lots of tension from this and we would get lots of longing looks and adoring moments between the two of them from the sidelines. (I think this one is the most likely)

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cyberiada · 3 years ago

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Payroll (SteamWorld Heist)

Payroll. Payroll Payroll Payroll

I got. a triple bingo. this is Not normal /hj

i'm gonna start this off by saying that i think he's the character with the biggest wasted potential in the series. he's Extremely one-dimensional, not interesting at all and his only defining features are 1) fast, 2) has a wheel instead of legs and, obviously, 3) loves money. he's literally the only character on the crew that doesn't give Any information about his backstory. like. none. zero. my memory is Not the best but i don't remember him mentioning his past at all. and i think with the right background and motive, he could've been a really interesting character. i'm gonna get more into this later

payroll is. extremely hard to like. i don't think i can name anything that actually draws me to him. i literally started liking him ironically and then got attached to him Against My Will (/lh). i can understand so well why so many people don't like him. payroll, the actual character in the game, is just. Bad. nothing that i like about him is canon. the payroll that i like is literally the version of him that lives in my head. and it's not even an idealized version or anything - he's just. a character with actual motives and a past who Definitely did a lot of bad things in his life (some of them he doesn't regret at all). also i think he's extremely charismatic, can convince anyone to do anything and can sweet-talk his way out of Any situation, because it fits him So Well

he is Not a good person. he's such a bad person actually. but so is the rest of the heist crew. they are Literally space pirates. they're not heroes. 90% of the time their motives aren't "heroic" or "noble". they fight chop sue's gang because they're disturbing the peace on their turf, they bring down the red queen because they're sick of how she's been treating them and they defeat vectron because piper wanted to finish what she has started. and sure, with the way that it's portrayed they are Heroes who help steambots and stand up for them and that is partially true!! but i don't think they're just some goody-two-shoes who fight Evildoers and help people, Because It's The Right Thing To Do. the world of steamworld heist is Much More complex than that. they help people, because they can see themselves in them, they sympathize with the steambots crushed under the weight of the system designed to make their lives as hard as possible. i don't think we can divide bots into 'good' and 'bad'. of course, this doesn't excuse scrappers harassing the poor cowbots or the royalists Literally thinking of steambots as lesser and discriminating them in every way possible. but i don't want to act like piper's crew doesn't do bad things either. they do. they're rude, they're violent and they kind of fight fire with fire. but their actions have a good outcome most of the time and i literally can't hate them for anything they do. i'm just tired of pretending they're good people. they're not bad people either!! they're just very morally grey characters imo. i have a lot of thoughts about this but i'm getting super off topic so let's move on

the biggest issue with payroll for me, i think, is his lack of depth. he gets No development and he feels so. shallow. like the people making him went "oh well we need a member who's just there for the money" and refused to give him any interesting traits. he feels rushed and unfinished. with the right backstory he could've been So Much More. make him someone who's seen what this twisted world has to offer. who's decided that it's devoid of meaning. that there's no point in seeking any higher goal in life. who had to lie, cheat, manipulate and backstab his way through life, because of how Hard it is to Exist as a steambot in the core. his desire to be rich can still be his driving force, but make it have some deeper meaning. Make It Count

to sum things up, payroll is Not as deep as he seems, but he has a huge potential to be. he's a horrible greasy little gremlin that ruined my life and he's my favorite and least favorite character in the game at the same time. god i sure hope they make more characters like him /hj

#i literally switched to my pc to write this #this got So Long and im so sorry for that but. uhh enjoy my incomprehensible rant i guess?????? /lh #payroll is literally Such a bad character but he's everything to me #i forgot to mention he's Gay As Fuck. aro also #alright im shutting up now #thank you So Much for this ask elgo. you have No Idea how much i wanted to get all these things out of my head /lh #steamworld #steamworld heist #payroll #grahame 'payroll' phroggi #heist

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fadebolt · 1 year ago

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Personal room rankings:

1 - Outer Expanse: RUIN14 (9/10) 2 - Submerged Superstructure: MEM04 (9/10) 3 - Shaded Citadel: B10 (8/10) 4 - The Exterior: S06 (8/10) 5 - The Rot: C08 (7/10) 6 - Garbage Wastes: A06 (7/10) 7 - Shaded Citadel: B09 (6/10) 8 - Shaded Citadel: A25 (5/10) 9 - Metropolis: slumtowers (5/10) 10 - Shoreline: A15 (5/10)

Extra comment: You gotta admit, the contrast between the perfect beautiful symmetry of the sacred buildings, and the chaotic asymmetry of the plants that are now growing on them… it's such an amazing concept, and this is hands down the best execution of it from the entire region. This is largely thanks to the sheer size of this place. Obviously, the things that the Ancient civilization has built will be enormous, and so in most rooms, you will only end up seeing smaller segments, which is why it feels so special when you get a better look at the architecture. Design-wise, this place also ends up funcioning quite well, with the way the pipes are laid out, as well as all the Squidcadas being a natural fit for a place like this. The Caramel Lizards that often come here can be very bothersome, though the room does give you possible options for countering them, even though standing face to face against one on the bottom of the room can suck.

The rest of the rooms do get somewhat outclassed by RUIN14, however they all got at least 1 vote, which is a very impressive feat. It's also something I feel like would fit this round, as there is a distinct lack of fillers, as even the ones that would technically classify as 'small unimportant rooms' have some things going for them. With that being said, should A15, slumtowers and C08 be the ones to continue? Well, I'm not sure if I agree with that, partially because A15 doesn't really have too much to it, and the design of the slumtowers can often end up being very frustrating and unfair. Buuuut I can still see why some people might like these, since they still have redeeming qualities that could be praised, after all.

Pick Your Favorite Rain World Room, Day 173.1

This is not single elimination! Every room with at least 10.0% vote will move on to the next round.

There is a hidden slugcat in one of the rooms (they can be in any color). If u can see it comment or reblog with where they are and if u are first, u get a cookie!

Credit for game screenshots goes to: Rain World Interactive Map, Rain World Wiki and me

#rain world room ranking #rain world opinions

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serotonincemetery · 3 years ago

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Wilbur x Reader

TW// Mentions of death, descriptions of insanity, blood, just very descriptive everything do be warned, manipulation, Angst obviously

Note)) Haha totally not a vent. Also Niki angst at the end

((I am talking from my own experience of losing myself, I have wanted to hurt people and I am describing my own feelings at the same time so I guess this is a partial vent? Just know I have never hurt anyone nor do I intend to, Also to my friend who will be reading this after I post it, I'm safe and doing alright, don't be worried! And if you over think it, you are not one of the people on who I've though of hurting, I would never even think of it))

You didn't know how much longer you could take of this, you watched him die, it hurt you so much knowing that he left you without saying goodbye.

You were seeing him everywhere, every time you glanced to the side, there he was for a split second before he was gone.

You had begged every single night for him to return to you. But he never did. You cried every night. You had been slowly losing your mind like he had all those months ago. You had been having extremely violent dreams in which they resulted with you ending the same way he had; Insanity taking over and resulting in hurting your friends and everyone in the process of losing yourself even more.

You would wake up in a cold sweat before pulling on your own hair and coddling yourself and rocking from side to side, muttering things to keep yourself calm and to not throw your fist in the wall or in someone's face.

There were days that you craved that. Your fist coming in contact with someone, wanting to strangle them and to watch the life fade from their eyes. To see their blood coat your forearms. To feel them struggle against your grip as you held them under the water for longer than the normal human body can handle. To feel the little resistance of a blade going through someone's body. To hear their cries of mercy. You craved it. But you were too scared to become like him.

Some mornings you woke up sick at the thought of those dreams and emptied your stomach into the nearest waste basket.

Niki had come and spent the night with you once because she could see how torn up you were. You had woke up after having a nightmare about hurting Niki, badly. You had glanced at the cot beside your bed and how she was turned away from you. Your mind told you to strangle her and to make her suffer. You had almost acted on it, you forced yourself up and to go downstairs and get a drink and you sat on your porch while rubbing your aching knuckles that basically called for bloodshed.

You longed for a decent night sleep at some point. But that night wasn't one of them, so you thought.

Niki had come down a few minutes after you had and came outside and sat down beside you and took your hand in hers and reassuringly and you rested your head on her shoulder and she started humming. You had eventually fallen asleep.

That morning you had woken up back upstairs in your room, but this time Niki had her arms wrapped around you soothingly and she was gently rubbing your back.

You had let out a hum and you could hear her laugh softly. Niki sat up and you sat up as well. "Are you feeling better?" She asked.

You rolled your shoulders and heard the satisfying crack and rubbed your eyes. "A bit, I still feel lost without him. If I'm totally honest Niki, I really miss him." You muttered.

"It's alright, [Y/N], we all do, you more than most, but everything will be okay."

That "okay" didn't last for long. Soon Niki left and the happiness and light at the end of the tunnel followed her out of your house and you were falling back into madness once again.

You had gathered the items. Your mind told you to do it. Poor Eret. You really didn't want to, but they told you to, they were constantly begging and yelling for you to blow something up. And then the mention of Eret's castle played through your ears and it pushed you forwards to gather the materials and put the time and effort into placing each piece of TNT strategically so they would blow everything up. The words "traitor" had constantly played through your mind.

And when you were ready to blow it up. You hesitated when Eret had shown up in her throne room, where you had put the lever. "[Y/N]? What are you doing here? I didn't know you would be here." He spoke with kindness and excitement lacing through their words.

"Eret." You said softly.

"[Y/N]? Are you alright?" They asked.

"Eret, please forgive me." You said as you turned to them. "I can't do this anymore." You said as a lone tear pearled at your right eye and gently rolled down your cheek to your chin before parting from you and landing on the wooden planks beneath your feet.

"What are you doing?" She repeated as she got a bit closer.

You flinched back and he could see the lever which your hand rested on.

"[Y/N], what does that lever connect to?" Eret asked cautiously.

"Eret, I'm struggling so much without him." You cried. Eret seeming understood immediately and nodded as they slowly stepped towards you.

You took your hand off for a moment to wipe your eyes and that's when Eret rushed forwards and destroyed the lever and pulled you into a hug.

You fought against him. You thrashed your fists into his arms and her shoulders, to get them to let go, but they never did. While you were crying and screaming, Eret pulled you closer so you couldn't keep attempting to get away and you became immobile. As you kept trying to fight to try and set off the explosives you stopped struggling once you looked up and saw the silhouette of a man, staring down at you through a window. followed by the haunting smile pasted onto the mask that rested upon his face.

You stopped and Eret pulled you away from themselves and looked at you. "Is everything alright? Do you need to talk?" She asked.

You seemed out of it for a moment, only making eye contact with the masked figure above. And when Eret turned to see what you were so interested in, the figure was gone in the blink of an eye.

"I think you need to stay with someone, I don't think staying alone is going to help you get better." He said. "We will walk back to your house, you can pack up some things and you can move in here with me." Eret said softly.

You shook your head no and took the opportunity to break from their hold and you dashed to the door and ran out. You could see glimpses of the masked figure at the top of the prime path. You sprinted towards them, or should you say him.

The closer you got to Dream, the further away he seemed. You got to a point where Dream was gone and night was falling once again. You had stopped and looked around and caught a rustling in the trees a few feet away.

You walked over and glanced up before something came crashing down on you before it went dark.

You had woken up once again, but this time, no nightmares or headaches or sickness. You sighed and went to stretch but you couldn't move. You looked around and were met with an obsidian room.

You heard a door open behind you, you couldn't turn to look but you flinched when two hands were put on your shoulders and someone bent down to your left ear and spoke. "Let's wreak havoc and take back this server again." Dream. "we can go back to the good old days where it was just the Dream SMP, no wars, or conflicts, just peace." He spoke. "But I need your help to be rid of the people who are ungrateful of our mercy.

You thought for a moment. People were really ungrateful. There were so many times you could've cut them down, and they didn't even thank you. You could've destroyed them, and they didn't even thank you when you granted them your mercy.

You nodded. "Let's make them pay."

That was weeks ago. Now, Dream sat in Pandora's Box and you had been still wreaking havoc after he was locked away. You killed and blew up things in both Dream, and Wilbur's name.

God you had still missed him, you had lost all sense of rationality, and if you thought of something and considered it fun, you were doing it the next day. Blowing up random buildings? Done. Lighting the community house on fire? Done. You had done so much and no one could stop you.

You had awoken in the middle of the night, sweat running down your face. You were awoken but both nightmares, which had just started reoccurring, and the loud crack of thunder and the bright bolt of lighting just outside your window. You sat up and wiped the sweat from your face and rubbed your eyes and looked around. You glanced to the side and caught a glimpse of Wilbur. You blinked and he was gone.

You had done so well on moving on. You had moved on. Haven't you?

"God, I miss you, I need to calm my nerves." You sighed. You threw the blanket off you and swung your legs over the side of the bed and rested your elbows on your knees and rubbed your eyes again and ran a hand through your hair before standing up. And before you could look up properly. You ran into something.

Someone.

Someone cold, rain-ridden. You felt a grip on your forearms. The hands were cold. Your immediate reaction was to fight back and so you did. But the hands kept you from moving.

"You're pathetic." He said. He let his hands run up your arms and his hands were placed on either side of your face. "You are truely pathetic." He muttered.

"Wil.." You started.

"Quiet." He mumbled as he pulled you in for a hug.

"You've been gone for so long." You whispered as you quickly wrapped your arms around him. "I was running out of time." You said. "I don't want you to leave me again, Wil." You said softly, you guard you had built up within the months he was gone, had dissipated instantly.

"I'll never leave your side." He murmured, you felt one of his hands run up your spine and it land at the base of your neck. You felt Wilbur put pressure in a singular spot before your mind felt fuzzy and black spots had appeared in your vision.

"Wil, I'm.. I'm dizzy." You slurred before you let your head loll back and darkness consume your mind.

When you had woke up in the morning you thought it was all a figment of your imagination. But the arms around you told you otherwise. The scent of cigarette smoke, wet dirt, and the faint smell of car exhaust. You turned to face Wilbur and saw that he no longer had his jacket on and it was laying across the chair on the other side of the room and he was only wearing his yellow sweater.

You slipped out of his arms and went downstairs to get something to eat. While you had been making some toast there was a knock at the door. You took the toast out of the toaster and set them down and walked to the door and unlocked it and swung it open to reveal Niki with tears running down her face.

"[Y/N], [Y/N], I-I." Niki was panicked, her hair was a mess and makeup was running down her face.

"Slow down." You said calmly.

"It's Wil, he-he's back a-and I.. I" She was struggling with her words so much and you watched as she rubbed her eyes before looking up at you. "I-" She stopped herself when the creaking of the stairs behind you was heard. You turned and there was Wilbur, standing at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes going back and forth between you and Niki.

Niki's breathing picked up as her eyes had widened. You put your hands on her shoulders and pulled her into your arms and said. "I know Niki." You spoke softly. "He came home to me last night." You smiled.

Niki pulled away and looked at your face. You had a soft, unnerved smile on your face. "[Y/N], what- I- I- don't understand." She cried out.

"He came home to me last night. That storm? That was him returning. And I have to thank Dream for that." You smiled down at her.

Niki opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. You smiled softly.

"Goodbye Niki." And with that, you let go of her and backed up and closed the door behind yourself as you turned and walked up to Wilbur and pulled him into a hug. "I've missed you." You sighed out happily.

"I've missed you too."

With Wilbur at your side, you didn't care who you hurt, or who didn't like you. All that mattered in your mind was his approval. And you didn't care what you had to do to get it, even if it meant pushing everyone totally out of your life for all your time to spend with him. In turn, he would soon learn that you pushed everyone out of his life too unless it was absolutely necessary.

He was yours and you didn't care who was hurt in the crossfire.

((Sooo, yandere!Reader anyone?))

#dream smp #fanfiction #serotonin.writes #wilbur mcyt #wilbur x reader #wilbur soot #dsmp x reader #dsmp #wilbur x you

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